The Nice Girl and the Jerk

Yesterday around 10pm, after Yayyi finished working out, he called me up. We were supposed to play tennis around 10:30 or so, which I was looking forward to. When he called, he sounded out of sorts, and the fact that he even said he wasn't feeling like doing anything should have been a signal for me, but I didn't back down. I wanted to play tennis, and he, being a man of his word, did not even try to persuade me.

So, we played at the courts at his apartment. They were unkept, to say the least. The lighting was bad, and we were using dead balls. Yayyi was not happy, and not only did that kill my mood for tennis, but he was also hitting his balls extra hard. So many times I suggested we not play, but he said we should continue, and despite that he would still complain about the courts and the balls. So, that was the beginning of my bad mood.

Then we went back to his apartment, and we chilled for a bit. While we were talking, he said, "I've never seen you angry. I want to see you get angry."

From that I should have known that he would be trying my temper. I hate when people play games like that, and Yayyi is no exception.

Later, he started wrestling me. I know how to use my strength, but I wouldn't think to use it on people. And then his wrestling started hurting me. He did not relent until I pushed him away with all my force. And then he didn't understand why I was upset.

I remained quiet, and he started trying to joke around. He had the audacity to ask me why I wasn't smiling or talking to him.

"If you spent the past half hour playing tennis with an asshole and then are physically assaulted by said asshole, would you be smiling?"

That's what I wanted to say, but a wise rabbit once said that if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Thumper, from Bambi. Great movie. Makes me cry every time.

He then he started apologizing, and then he said something that completely caught me off-guard.

"You're one of the nicest girls I've ever met, and it scares me and I don't know how to deal with that."

Of course I was still angry after that. He deliberately tried me and wanted to see if I could get angry. Just call up Ronnie Hicks and ask him how angry I can get. He'd tell you how I snapped in the school playground and started kicking his shins until they were black and blue.

But, I was tempted to just get up and leave, but frankly I was interested to see what else he had to say. He continued apologizing, and of course I was inclined to forgive him. To be honest, I forgave him after his first "I'm sorry," but I was still too angry to talk to him.

And so the story goes. There is a happy ending: the making-up process was very enjoyable. =) Then, he was very reluctant to part with me when he walked me to the car. What a punk.

Epilogue: I drove all around Gainesville to three different Oriental stores just to get him this certain Chinese snack he loves. Then, I dropped it off with his roommate, telling him to only give it to Yayyi once I was gone. I'm such a retard.

Babysitting Tavora

Boystealer has a friend who was sixteen years old when she was raped and impregnated by her grandfather, and nine months later Tavora was born. This past Friday marked Tavora's 5th birthday, and yesterday Boystealer had a get-together to celebrate.

Having spent half the day with her, I by no means can claim to know how to raise her, but I am more than disgusted of the way she has been brought up thus far. She drinks soda and sugary flavored drinks more than she does water, she knows curse words, and yesterday while I was tucking her into bed she explained to me what going from behind was.

"I show my butt cheeks to my boyfriend and he puts his tail in it."
"Where is your boyfriend's tail?" I asked, hoping she wasn't referring to a penis.
She giggles as she's jumping on my bed, and she points at her crotch.

A five-year old said this.

I read her a bedtime story in my Children's Bible (which I happened to have because I was going to mail it out to my goddaughter) and the story I read her was about Adam and Eve. She did not know that story, but she knows doggie-style.

I do have sympathy for her mother. I couldn't fathom the strength she has, but there is no excuse for any five year old to know sex acts. I know that she fabricates stories, so I am not concerned of any pedophilic acts performed on her, but it is still disturbing.

Otherwise, she is a sweet hyperactive child who wants to learn everything. She loves looking at photographs and listening to stories, and she enjoys painting, banging on the piano, playing in bubble baths, and washing dishes. Her interests should be nurtured in a postive way.

Been a while

I went to church today. Arrived a little late and missed the first two readings... but really, church is all about the gospel, homily, and eucharist, right? I know, I know-- I'll get my butt to church on time next week.

Today in the homily Father John introduced the idea that people who most value something worldly have the most to lose, while those who put their faith first will never be at a loss. Worldly things are bound to perish but there is more to be lost when someone loses sight of God, and that is his soul. It is especially difficult today not to get caught up with anything, simply because there are so many distractions. Internet, TV, porn, shopping, celebrities, cars, careers, technology, and the list can go on and on. It is our responsibility now more than ever to shut out the noise and escape from these temptations, for the sake of our very souls.

I must admit that I have recently fallen into a spell of college life. I want to go out. I want the "college experience" that will be forever lost to me once I graduate and have to get a job. I never really had a full high school experience, and I don't want to say the same for my time here at UF. I finally got a boyfriend-- my first one ever-- and I am doing my best not to be caught up with this boy, but it is hard not to. When i first started seeing him, I remember going to church alot that week. I know God would not give me anything more than I can handle, but I can't decide whether my relationship with him is a one of God's gifts or a temptation straight from the Devil. Whatever it may be, it is a test of my fortitude. I cannot lose myself in any "moments," no matter how natural they are.

I've always wondered how I would respond under situations where my virtue is tested. I don't think having a boyfriend has changed me, for better or for worse, but rather it has revealed to me who I've been all along. I am happy to say that I have not become a hypocrite to anything I believe, and I know now that I won't just fall victim to physical passions. Well, it hasn't been long that I've been tested, and I still have a long way to go, so I hope in days to come I don't abandon my faith and lose myself.

1-800-Flowers

I've been in my first official relationship for about 4 days now, and we've been seeing each other since the 17th of June. He just left for Prague yesterday because his cousin is getting married, and I'm left alone for about 9 days or so.

You know those moments you just want to encapsule in time and in memory forever and ever? One of those moments that just hits you as too good to be reality? I haven't blogged in a while, and I've had such blog-worthy words to type out but have been neglecting it on account of too much to say and not enough time to say it, but this is something I just have to put to words right now as I am sitting here at my computer.

I've been in my apartment all day long, practically. It was around 7pm, and I was about to take a shower, and i heared knocking on my door. I thought it was B with some drama... again... So I jump out of the shower and put on my robe.

Turns out it wasn't B. It was someone knocking at the front door. I peer through the little hole, wondering who the heck got me getting out of my shower, and there's someone with a package at the door. I open the door, and what do you know? He's asking for me. 1-800-Flowers was delivering me a package. I sign for the package as best I could without flashing the delivery guy, and I take the package in.

FLOWERS! I've never gotten flowers before. Well, I've gotten flowers from my parents before... but this is way different. I just want to jump around and show off the flowers to the world, but who to tell? I want to wait a while before telling my parents and see if this thing works out. I can't just IM people and say "I got flowers from him!" I don't want to sound like I'm bragging. I'm truly happy for this moment, and I don't want people messing it up with cynical analyses or anything else. Why can't I share my happiness with other people?

I told my roommate the minute she walked through that door. She loves flowers, and she's been waiting so long to see me with a boyfriend. And once I told her, she had the nerve to shake her head and say, "and how long have you known him for?"

She couldn't even be happy with me. And I could go on for longer about how I've been so supportive and gave so much of my input into all her boyfriends and flings, but that would draw away from this moment-- the first time I ever got flowers from an admirer. Her cynicism can't touch me right now, and I won't ever let it.

It's been about a month that I've gotten to know him. We see each other practically every day in lab. We hang out, grab lunches, play sports, cook each other dinner, go clubbing... and we talk to each other. We talk without restriction or restraint-- he's told me about his life, his experiences, and I've told him about mine. We are just honest with each other. Maybe it's only been one month that I've gotten to know him, but I know him better in one month than I've gotten to know people I've known for years, and I don't find that scary or too fast. The flowers are a gesture of appreciation, and I've never felt more flattered, and I'm not gonna read any more into it. I'm just gonna sit back, enjoy my flowers, and get to studying for that test.

boy oh boy... having way too much fun, and two tests on Wednesday =/

So much has happened over the past five days, how do I begin to list them all?

Lunch w/ Biz was refreshing. That day, I had a MUSHROOM for lunch. it had some cheese on it too. It was great to just talk to him! I forgot what that type of talking is like. =) Biz is a nice guy, but I'm not attracted to him in the slightest, so it just won't work out. =/ But, Boystealer says to keep him around if he should ever become president of the US. "You'll be the First Lady, and I can be the First Lady's friend." Because it's all about the Boystealer. =p He wants to take me out to dinner Monday.

I wrote 4 papers in two days. Lab report-type papers. I'm the lab report goddess.

Blue's blue eyes are looking my way. He's sweet and funny, and an engineer. But, he's Tiger's friend too so right now it's a tough call. Glad to be expanding my horizons though. =) Speaking of that slick sonofagunn, Tiger's got himself a gf. HAHAHA!!! that clears up the nebulous matter of why he wanted to hook me up with Blue. I've noticed something extremely mind-boggling. Guys will only play matchmaker with you when they've got someone. So... seems like fairygodmother's been keeping a little secret.

Icequeen and Mia came down this weekend, and they brought a whoole lotta liquor. And, he made the tastiest drinks I've ever had. Seeing them was a blast. And, I can actually claim that I have turned a gay man straight... for like an hour. ^.~

A certain Mr.President missed my booty-shaking self at arkadia Saturday night. OOOH LA LA. And then, around 3 or 4 AM... dropped a few Bombs in my living room, with him, a coworker, and fairygodmother. They saw me... um... intoxicated. How random that they would stop by too. =p

Breaking double bonds requires lots of energy

After hours upon hours of studying (and sometimes not studying) for the organic test tomorrow, that is all that I can remember right now. My brain is hurting, my ears are ringing... what am I doing up so early?

This weekend it's gonna be hot in G-ville. Whether or not Florida finally realized it's March and not December, who knows, but... Mia, Lae, and I-- las tres chicas calientes -- will be reuniting in the Swamp. One night only, and it's gonna be a sight.

they're wanting more, more, more, more, more

As I said in the previous blog, I sang Saturday two national anthems. That day seemed to be "attack Amanda's sinuses" day for pollen, and I was sneezing times three. I had a runny nose, and I was so afraid of the possibility of mucous projectile coming from my nose and into the audience while in the midst of singing "Aaannnd the rooooocket's reeeed glaaaaaaare..." Number one fear that night.

Secondly, I had not quite memorized the Philippine national anthem, so I was afraid of mispronouncing the Tagalog, or possible dead silence from not knowing what comes after "mo'y tagumpay na naginingning." Number two fear stemming from the fact that there were Filipino parents in the audience. And, to a much lesser extent, I was afraid of screeching... but I'm always afraid of screeching. =p

My only self-criticism of that performance was that I got nervous and let my voice quiver a little in the early segments of the US national anthem. Oh, and facial expressions whenever I mess up. what a dork I am that I still let them slip out. Other than that, pretty darn good. I think that people seemed to like it. =)

So, updates on the nonexistent love life. No--- it's still nonexistent, but what else do I categorize this news under?

Tiger: I don't understand you at all. Friday, you mess around on how we should go out. Sunday, you were always standing next to me, and then Sunday night you tell me you want to hook me up with your best friend?

Dr. Can: you're girlfriend is stick thin. feed her some of that anaphylactic sushi or something.

Biz: new guy that's gonna feed me on Thursday. At first, I thought you were gay. Then you told me Saturday you have a girlfriend. Then you ask me if I wanted to have dinner with you. Considering you told me you have a gf, I figured "sure, okay. why not? strictly platonic." Well, ABCD tells me you HAD a gf, and you seem to be reporting back to ABCD all your movements. pwaaahahahaha... how funny.

Bottom Line: childish, trifling boys trying to play with a little girl's naive heart.

One more thing about Mia, who's been MIA from my life ever since high school... she's coming to visit this weekend... with the flamboyantly gay playboy, IceQueen. I want to give Mia a firm slap across the face and ask her what is wrong with her, but at the same time I want to hug her and have fun and party. Decisions, decisions.

This season, white is in

So, from partying with the MS. ABCD last night, here's the short of it: me, looking ridiculously pink yet oh-so-adorable and un-intoxicated, gets eyed by all the guys. One's even asked me out to dinner-- unpretentiously and respectfully.

And you Filipino guys should take notes, because that's the way it's supposed to be.

On the other side of the spectrum, I was driving down Archer today, and I had worn a bandana because my hair out of control, and I get hollered at, by a guy with gold teeth. ick.

i had processed carbs today, and it was good

cake, pancit, rice, cookies... could it get any worse? OH, and it seems to me that every Filipino dish has some sort of meat in it. No wonder I've never met a Filipino vegetarian. I know my cousin tried it out for a little while, but now she eats beef. haaha. I'm glad I've only got two weeks to go. =)

Sang two national anthems today... got myself banned from two more countries, haha. J/K. It was all good.

i've been supersized

OMG. Spring Break has been very bad to me... Which is the best way to go-- anorexia, bulimia, or exlax?? Possibly a gastric bypass.

=/

Something's missing

I figured out while perusing through a former classmate's journal what I've been lacking all this time. Not just any boy... any guy friend... no. I need a gay guy friend. I need someone to tell me what shade of nailpolish would match my scarf, or someone who will give it to me straight (so to speak) about how I truly look that day. I used to have one in high school, but I left him in Pensacola when I moved out here.

I'm sooooo deprived here in gainesville. =/

New Lover

I've been back in good ole' p'cola now since Saturday. Didn't study. not one bit. Did some spring cleaning in my room, but it seems messier now than before. Is that how it's supposed to go?

My dad is taking the job in Orlando, so instead of a 5-hour drive home, it's 2 hours. Is that necessarily a good thing? I haven't quite figured it out yet. However, Fairygodmother is an Orlando native, and he's already planned out everything from the hospital my mom will work at to the house my family will purchase. I'm looking forward to that. =)

I have an orgo test in two weeks, and I haven't even opened my backpack and taken a look at my books. But really, who can study with all the distractions?? Darned AIM =p

Also, got a new PDA!!!!!!! it plays MP3s and movies!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

check it out, boys

Kinda due to the fact that I had new carpet being laid in (and I finally got it too!! big thumbs up to paradigm properties), I haven't been wearing pants all week. And before that can be misconstrued to something indecent, let me elaborate. I ALWAYS wear jeans. Always. But, this entire week it's been skirts and shorts, and I've been looking pretty cute this week.

Wednesday, Dinielle and I dropped by Panda for some sushi, and I had an anaphylactic moment. Dr. Can's sushi, no less. Yeps, he figures, if he can't have me, he should either poison me or disfigure me. Isn't that right, Dr. Can????? Oh, and I find out by email that my Dynamics professor cancelled Friday's exam. Actually, it was cancelled by UF Administrators. Ha... someone's gonna get banned from teaching undergrad by the end of spring semester. AGAIN! =p He should be shot right now... well, not shot, but maybe tortured with having to watch ten-hours recording of his own lectures. yeah, that sounds about right.

Thursday. Went to orgo lecture (bore), went to a bio eng class (pointless), and went to work (walking zombie). I was so out of it, and I still went to a party at Mr. President's apartment complex. I arrived oh so fashionably late that by the time I got there, people started leaving. Hehehe... whoops. Mr. President hardly left my side that night, and Dr. Can's brother was giving me the eye contact. HOLLER! a guy was trying to holler at me for his friend. Filipino boys are such retards, but oh so fun to mess with. Straight from the party, I headed out with Fairygodmother to Steak and Shake, and we met up with Dr. Can, his brother, and three other guys who would be privileged for me to remember their names right now. =p Me and a bunch of guys. For some reason, I like that so much better than hanging out with girls. Then... Me and fairygodmother drove around Gainesville for about three or four hours, hitting up random places. unforgettable times.

I think this will have to be a two-parter, b/c i'm supposed to be heading home. Five-hour drives suuuuuuuuck.

=/

These dreams go on when I close my eyes

You were looking at me nervously the entire time, and then finally you approached me. You handed me a letter, and you stayed as I opened to read it. I could not read all of it, but the first line said I love you. I hugged you so tightly, and I gave you a kiss.

I feel like this was more than a dream-- as if, it were some inexplicable connection at that moment in time between you and me-- and I blush to think that maybe you dreamt the same thing at that very moment. Have dreams ever made you wonder like that?

I have wondered what I would do if you were to ever approach me, so I guess now I know. And, even though it was only a dream, I don't know if I could ever look at you the same way again.

Never have I ever...

...been so out of it around a campfire before. Woodser. was. !!

I'll try to recount as much as I can without recounting stuff that should remain smoldered with that fire, but as you well know, I like counting and recounting. I'm from Florida, after all... state where impregnated chads were born.

It started at Saturday, 11am... officially. I showed up at the parking lot, as told to by the email, and it was not until 12:30 or so that we left the parking lot. What is it about Filipinos where they are incapable of showing up on time for these things??

We got there and within minutes they start grilling the hot dogs and hamburger meat. Meat. It always has to be meat. Why can't they grill carrot sticks or fish, or tofu even?? Some went tubing. I went to my bag and brought out my Maerials textbook. Some played volleyball. I took a nap. Such a nerd, I know. But, that was Saturday afternoon.

Then, the campfire started. The guitar was played. Smores were passed around. The beer keg was tapped. The hard stuff were opened. Until 9:30 or so, I stayed away from the latter two, but then I got sucked into a truth or dare game going on and was dared to take two shots. Then I took two more. And that's all it took.

Revelations and more were disclosed amidst the drunken bachannal. Certain things I'd rather have not heard made me question my behavior in the past, and I will admit that I did cry about it. Fairygodmother got me to join him at the campfire, while i was heavily intoxicated, and he told me to hold out my fingers. They said earlier that day they would play ten fingers. All I could remember was the fire, hanging on to Fairy Godmother so that I could still stand, and a voice yelling "Never have I ever..." and lots of laughs. At some point in the game, it was down to my fairygodmother and me. A loud voice from the other side of the flames yelled out, "Never have I ever fantasized about..." why was it that damned makulit's name?!? And, yes... I put my finger down. But, I ended up winning anyway. I know winning at a game like that is good, but I don't know if it's good that everyone knows now what a saint I've been. Still waiting for my prize, by the way. =p

Various guys I think were vying for my attention throughout Woodser, but I want to devote this next paragraph to Fairygodmother. It was after my first two shots, and before the next two shots. He was losing his buzz, and he was trying to get me to confide in him who else in FSA I could possibly be interested in. Repeatedly I asked him why he wanted to know... why he wanted to help me.

"You are the sweetest girl I know. You're smart, you're attractive, and you deserve to be happy. You are up there, as far as girls go."

Up there, referring to that notorious comparative measuring scale that boys use to pit girls against each other based on "girlfriend material." Well... at least I'm up there. Oh yeah... I do think he's holding something for me. I also want to add that I would not be averse to any of his approaches, but I think he has a problem with my attraction for Dr. Can. FORMER attraction. And, I did give him ample opportunity to say something to me. Anything at all. But. He didn't. So. Maybe he doesn't. Whatever. All I know is, sometimes, I'll catch him staring at me. But, for now, I'm happy to be friends with him.

Lastly: Jerk award goes to Mr. ASU. In ten fingers, when it was down to Me and my fairygodmother, he screamed out, "Never have I ever been kissed by Mr. ASU!" and then he ran straight at me. Nearly tackled me. I was already holding onto Fairy Godmother because I couldn't stand on my own, and when he came at me, with my free hand I pushed him off me. But, lots of people came up to me Sunday morning and asked if he did kiss me. Ha ha, he wished he did that night. Better luck next time. Jerk. Next day, I pointed at him and laughed while he ran away in horror. I don't know why my friend is attracted to him.

Sunday morning horoscope: Something has changed about you, and everyone notices it. Enjoy the attention.

i've been a bad, baaaaad girl...

Okay, so what were my Lenten things? No drinking anything other than water, and no messing around with these makulits... among other things. Okay... so, what? I put on the most scandalous top my roommate owns, and mess around with the boys in arkadia. The Doctor wasn't there, but his brother surely was eyeing me. And, wait a minute-- did I sense Leaner trying to flirt again? I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I thought he got the hint???? grr...... Speaking of which, Tiger is being a punk. Cold shouldering me in the restaurant, and then all over me at the club? Mr. President was all up on me tonight-- haha, niiiice. Fairy Godmother "roped" me in for a dance.... I'm sensing something from him. I would say that I don't want to be so presumptuous, but then again, I don't care. It's too early in the morning... that'll be left for another blog. And... oh! A new guy. Let's call him Trier... because he's been trying to get into my pants. HAHA, what a joke. And, go fig, he works with me. Like everyone else. I need to get away from them. He's a nice guy, but oh so nasty. Don't like his backstory, don't like his intentions. Blah. AND... annnd.... What the heck, Mr. ASU?! First, he was getting me to come back to his place for a "party"-- all in drunken jest, I assure you-- but then he gets Leaner, and he says, "no! you two should be together!" I was going to have a heart attack.

Work sucked butt tonight. Poor Sandy, I felt so bad for her. She had to close solo tonight, and Mr. Boss Panda wouldn't let me help. And, in the end he yelled at the both of us. Then, she said something I could never have said: "Look at this face. I'm not happy right now." OMG, I was going to die of shock. I would have just shook my head and bore it. The boss didn't get too angry, which was even more of a shock, although he was a bit serious about having her consider not coming back to work. SO, after being berated and feeling worse than the bacteria that live in dog crap, we went to arkadia... and you can tell by my rambling in the previous paragraph that all was well, as far as heathenistic fun goes.

I need to pray... and repent... and alot more. =/

second sitings

Today was the second time in my life that I had ever seen a robin. Laugh, or call me trivial, but I would call this a milestone. I don't ever recall seeing one in Texas, although one robin website claims that they are spread throughout the continent. The first time I'd ever seen a robin was actually a few days ago while I was walking to my apartment. I don't know how I could have never seen a robin up until this point... maybe I have some repressed robin memories that would rather not surface.

Other than that, today was pretty depressing. Allergies and extreme hunger kept me from getting out of bed. I went to only one class, and in that class we literally dealed with dog crap. We're trying to determine the rate of anaerobic digestion of the bacteria living in the crap. Yes, this is my major. Glamorous, right?

I want out of this whole shizzz.....

Thank God Lent is coming up... and I never thought I'd be looking forward to the abstinence. Don't want to go into any details regarding what... or who... I would abstain from, but... umm... yeah. Makulit-- that's what they are.

I did manage to set the Leaner on his own two feet, so that he won't have to lean on me. =p And through it all, he thanked me in the end for being straightforward with him. Okay... why didn't I do this sooner?? hahaha... what a great laugh. As long as he doesn't pull any stunts on me again, I think I'll have smooth sailing.

Now, for my last-minute blogger confessional, if I never get to a church between now and Easter.

~I spread gossip more than I spread love
~I have been driving without a license for quite a while now
~I spend more time doing nothing than getting things done

Okay... will think of more later. Gotta get back to organic

That other makulit

Today I decided to go to work in a miniskirt and white shirt. Man, was I getting hit on... and also mad tips. Hooray! One thing noticeably absent was Tiger's agressive pursuit. I kinda miss it.. the flirting. =/

However shall I get through the Friday nights now? ahhh....

That makulit

I don't care if he is sick or not, the fact remains that he's not into me. I don't want to be one of those pathetic souls who regularly quotes self-help books, but... he's just not that into you if he doesn't call. If he were into you, he'd take at least five minutes from his busy schedule to make that phone call. I don't need him... I got at least 10 other guys after me. =p Granted, none are as interesting as he is, but maybe that's because i'm not giving the other guys a chance to be interesting... That doesn't include you, Leaner, so get back-- you don't know me like that.

Tonight is it...

Or so my dear fairy godmother says. Also looked up the horoscopes...

Everything's so good for you now that it's like nothing has ever been bad. Don't get used to it, but have fun with it -- and invite others along for the ride.

Intense -- that's what people might call you right now, and they mean it in the best, most intriguing and sexy way. Work your magic; it won't be hard, considering how drawn to you everyone is.

Better fasten you seatbelt and put your table tray in the upright position -- because there's a bit of a bumpy ride ahead. For the moment, you can expect one of several rather unusual scenarios to unfold: a) a new and unusual addition to your family; b) a career opportunity in an entirely different field; c) the chance to move to a place you've always wanted to live or d) all of the above. See? Buckle up, now.

However, since I know myself all too well, probably I'll let the moment slip by. I'll be too nervous and just not do anything. My roommate, fairy godmother, and the night-blooming lily I think have more vested interest in this than I do. I don't want to sound pessimistic or overly-redundant, but I really don't think he's into me. =/

I'm afraid of the rejection too.

I should just become a singing nun and frolic around the Austrian Alps, singing "The Hills Are Alive."

Why is it that I want the guys who show the least interest while I have so many others? How is it that Dr. Can doesn't seem to show any apparent interest? He's seen me sexy, flirty, sporty, smart, talented, caring, competative, etc. What have I not done?

He must be gay. Yeah.... that's it. I should have seen it coming when he wore the pink shirt that one time. Bright Flamingo Pink.

Lasagna Night

Every time there is a guy we want to treat, Brigette will prepare a big pan of lasagna. One night, the doctor made an unexpected visit, and it was Lasagna night for the MFT. So B, being very intrigued about Dr. Can, offered some lasagna, and from that night the lasagna night tradition was born.

Wednesday is a scheduled Lasagna Day, and B told me to invite Dr. Can to come over. So, anyway, I'm walking through the Reitz today, and I run into the president. We get to small talk, and he tells me that the doctor told him that I was cooking lasagna for him. Shocked, I was, to hear this... and then I assumed all over again that Dr. was trying play matchmaker. I overreacted... made a few phone calls... and then called Dr. He said the Prez was playing around. Sigh of relief.

I talked to mr. Fairygodmother about it, and he was totally sweet about the whole situation. He is nothing but encouragement and just the biggest ego-booster. Every girl should have one, and I'm glad I have him. Sometimes, though, I wonder what his motives are... what he's really thinking... why, if he's so knowledgeable, is he still unattached? Maybe I should have a lasagna night for him.

Out from Left Field

I can't say I really understand how it came to mean that something totally unexpected had happened... but then again, I can't claim much comprehension for baseball either. With that being said, I would like to talk about how the Spurs totally swatted them Hornets last night. Ha, just keeding...

Disregard the baseball and basketball ramblings, and allow me to sort out certain things. An analysis, perhaps... certainly not objective, since I'll be projecting my own hopeful scenarios and discounting the undesirable.

Inherently, I'm becoming the person I claim to despise. I'm the girl who will tell someone I hate girls who gossip, and in that same breath I will freely disparage someone else's character. I'm a hypocrite and a terrible person, and I need to stop such bad behavior. Earlier in the year (which just started thirty days ago) I was considering to flat out stop gossiping for Lent, but then I couldn't see myself not gossiping for forty days. Now, I will difinitively stand behind that Lenten promise. I will not allow myself to gossip anymore. But from day to day I feel like gossip is becoming more and more a part of me... like body hair. It's all over-- subtle in some places, more pronounced in others, but it will always surround you. Weird analogy, I know, but it makes sense, right? I don't know if I could go totally bald for Lent. Ha.

Another thing that makes me a bad person: the Leaner situation. These FSA people have become more and more perceptive as to what's going on.... and I'm becoming less "sympathetic" to Leaner's character. To elucidate-- oh, and by the way, I'm wondering why the one word that means to clear things up and make it simple is such a flowery word-- consider my reasons for not being straightforward last semester. I wanted to spare his feelings and not make him feel bad about himself. Now, I still would rather not talk to him about it, but I'm just about ready to take the bold step of confrontation. It took three months or so to come to this point, and that's two months and twenty-nine days wasted on indecision and angsty repression. Okay, so with my incapability to approach him in mind, for the past two months I've also been talking about him, in the worst of terms, not only to this blogger but to friends and acqaintances. I can't bear to let him know how I feel, but I have no qualms in telling the rest of the world?? I'm the lowest form of low. If we were talking in geological terms, I would be in negative space in the earth's core. If we were measuring me in Kelvin, I'd be -300K: Lower than subzero temperature. It doesn't get any lower than that. But, with Lenten season coming about, I hope to rectify this depressing low I've put myself in.

So far, I've been talking about gradually-occuring revalations... not really "Left Field" topics. So, without further ado, what else would I be talking about. Boys. Again. Always. Because I'm just such a dork when it comes to these things.

I give up claiming to give up Dr. Can, and even typing this is hard enough to do without me laughing in disbelief. I should have the "He's just not that into you" book thrown at me repeatedly until I can no longer take it-- have some sense beaten into me. But, I caaan't heeeelp iiiit!!! I have said that because I'm over my pining, I could act like a fool and not care, like I always have. And, I've also always said that by just acting my goofy self somehow attracts guys. So, for the past month and a half I've been deliberately claiming to be over him just to make myself more attractive to him. What kind of psycho reasoning is that?! Not any sort concocted by a sane, rational, intelligent being. Well, I will digress a bit on that, and I'll say that it's too soon to really call my reasoning lunacy or genius. Over the past few months, I have been able to break through some sort of barriers with him... so... who knows what I'll be blogging next? =p I should include yesterday's encounter with him. There was a basketball practice scheduled for yesterday afternoon, but it ended up being only the two of us shooting basketballs around. And then, he drove me back to my apartment. I didn't drive myself because my roommate and I had strategically planned for her to drop me off and be unavailable for the rest of the day. For thirty minutes we sat in his car, talking. Well... I was talking, and he was responding. He told me that he noticed Leaner's leanings during the FSA meeting and kinda picked up on that. Sooo... go back to the January 16th post, scroll down a couple paragraphs where I ask the question as to why he came over. Then, read a couple paragraphs after that. Yeah, take as much time as you want... keep reading... okay. Done? Good. So, I first said that he came over as the Prez's wingman. SO WRONG! He came over for ME! No, this is not only some wishful speak, because he told me so himself in that car. No Lie! No way! Holy Sh... moly. But, enough of this dork.

Moving on to Tiger. He's not as flirty as he was before, and I in my engineering mindset have discovered a trend. First, he will uninhibitedly flirt with a girl. Any girl, be she tall, short, fat, thin, etc. Now, this is my patent-pending three-part if/then statement. If the girl receptively flirts back, and heaven forbid she shows sincere interest, then he will back off and act as if he never approached her like that. However, if the girl shoots him down and plays hard to get, then he will flirt even harder until he finally does wear her down and get her interested. And, if that should happen, then refer back to the first if/then. I have ample evidence to support this. The Tiger/Twin situation supports the second part of my theory. My own situation with him from last semester supports the third part of my theory. Then I've become more receptive this semester, and as a result, this has inversely affected the amount and quality of his flirtings per work shift. Now, just for extra measure to fully test the extent of applicability to my hypothesis, I've become less receptive again, and he became more flirtatious. So, in conlcusion, I can verify that he is indeed a classic Frat guy who wants to mess with girls. A breed first popularized in Bridget Jones' Diary as "the fuckwit." Girls can smell their expensive cologne from 5 miles away, and despite better judgement, still gravitate in their direction. Another conclusion I can safely state is that although he may like me and be attracted to me, he's just not that into me. I don't want a boyfriend like him, but I think having a close friend like him would be invaluable, because he is such a dog that he can tell me what other guys are being dogs. And, he has been very helpful with the Leaner thing.

SO, now another Panda server has a crush for me, and he's going about it through the "friend route." First, he goes on for thirty minutes about how he would wear a girl down, and then he pulls out the same stuff on me. Would he think I'm not as observant as to pick that signal up? I dont' know what to do, because he is a nice guy, and a fun person to talk to, although I wouldn't see us as something more. He's cute in his own right, and I'd hate to say that I don't find him attractive and that's my only reason, but I'm trying to validate my level of depth with a more substantial reason. He is too knowledgable as far as girls are concerned, and from what i gather, he only gets with the pretty ones because they are pretty. And, he is smooth in his approach. Sooo smooth. Now, I've been getting these signals from him since DTJ, and especially now that he explained his methods, I can call him on it. Is he only interested in me because I'm pretty? Does he even know what a nutcase I am?? Because, if he did... if anyone did, then they wouldn't even bother with me. Two people who have an idea are Kenny and Lavell.

Now, my boss. I think he broke up with his girlfriend, because why is he yelling at me less and complimenting me more?? Granted, I am becoming more efficient in cashiering, but really. Call me crazy, but I'm picking up signals from him. Well... I am crazy, so just disregard this.

Fever sure has got me good

I'm ready for the news so tell my straight
hey doctor, just what do you diagnose?
There ain't a surgeon like you any place in all the world
so now shall I remove my clothes??

So, here I am, suffering at this ungodly hour from the worst post-nap headache in history, and what do you suppose? I can't help but smile, but we'll get to that later.

First, I want to vent about my tentative bellydancing situation. Layla, who has been choreographing an outstanding presentation for the VISA talent show in April (since last summer, no less), is hardly receiving any support from her own people. If I were Persian, I would be busting out with my dance culture. Actually, I don't know if I can say that considering I don't participate in FSA's dance events. The ever so sharpened pencil point is that these kids are too lazy to participate. Over two hundred people are a part of the Persian Student Society, and she's struggling to even confirm ten Persians for the dance. That's five percent. Thumbs down for 95% of you PSS gators. for shame. And, I have nothing but the greatest admiration for Layla, who has been dealing with their noncommittal promises from the beginning. And, I realized another thing... viewed from a certain angle, one certain massively-thighed dancer looks like Aladdin. Maybe? Eh... maybe not. But, he sure is fine! I read somewhere online that you can get someone to fall for you if we both keep eye contact for extended amounts of time. Let's just say I'm currently performing a scientific experiment on random samples of guys... well, one parameter-- they have to be hot. ^.~

I've caught the eye of a Tiger, and I'm thinking that my Valentine's Day won't be so desolate and inconsolable after all. Tiger and I have flirted for about.... 4 months now? I believe so. Yeah, so I threw the Leaner thing in his face and asked him what he would do about it, since Tiger claims that I will someday be his "wifey." He said he'd come to my rescue, in much less poetic terms, but with him I just can't take anything he says seriously. And, I'm a bit miffed that I only got Tiger to be my valentine in order to save me from that pathetic situation of either being valentine-less or valentine-leaned on. Not the most romantic of situations, but I wouldn't count on anything romantic between Tiger and me anyway. I just want to have a good time with somebody, and I do have fun with Tiger. And, the fact that he is in that can't-be-taken-seriously state with me makes it all the more fun.

Now, I saw Leaner today, at the Reitz. How come when I ask him to be there, he never is, and when I don't really want to see him ever again, he shows?? There is no justice in this world. =P He was definitely wanting to hang out, but I was suffering from inexplicable mid-winter allergies, a major headahe, and hungerpangs. Also, I was running late for my Kaplan session. I'm glad he wasn't leaning. As much as I am loathe to wish for even my worst enemy to be the object of his affections, I do hope he finds someone else to pester. I saw him talking to some other girl when I was rushing to the cafeteria to grab myself a quick bite, and for an instant I thought my hopes had been realized... and when I had come out from the Wendy's order pick-up line, who would I come face to face with but him. Lucky me.

I also so Mr. President today. He was coming out of the same bus I was about to board. That means he lives in my area! Now, if I could only coordinate it so that we ride the bus at the same time. Wow, I sound kinda Leaner-ish. Hehee. Lavell recently brought up that the Prez walks with a limp. Before that, I hadn't noticed a thing, but now it's all I see when I see him. It's funny the things you don't really notice when you've got a crush. Darn you, Lavell!

Now, I wish to sum it up with what will happen tomorrow. The Doctor will be making a housecall. Chatting with him around midnight, I told him about my head ache that keeps me nonsomnescient. Is that a word? If not, it should be-- Either that or sonorously-incapacitated. Tomayto, Tomahto... whatever. I can't sleep because my head hurts. He first suggested a head massage... i wouldn't have been so bold as to take the suggestion a step further, since I am claiming to stay away from him after all, but he did offer to run some painkillers my way tomorrow if I were still cephalodynic. Okay, I'm positive that word is real, so HA! I wouldn't want my headache to last for that long... but, to see whether Dr. Can would be true to his word, I wouldn't mind a couple 24 hours or more of this headache. Whether or not it lasts, I'd probably have him run by some Aspirin anyway, just in case. ^.~ In that same article that mentioned the eye-contact thing, it also said to let a guy do something that he offers to do. But... yeah, I'm soo over the mentality I took on when I first met him, although I still am a bit shy around him. I think, getting over him should be like a step-by-step process. Sooo... would planning to have him come over tomorrow mean that I'm regressing? Oh dear.

status solo

I must admit, I envy my roommate that she has always had a valentine since middle school. My record is 0 for 19. Let's see if I can do it for two decades now! But, this valentine's day I can't say that I haven't been asked, considering Leaner is still out there.

It's finally winter weather in Florida. It's a subarctic 36 right now... I'm surprised I don't see penguins and polar bears right outside my window. Part of me wishes that I grew up north so that I could at least tolerate this cold weather, but I wouldn't trade my Texas memories for anything. I remember one time in the winter when we had school cancelled. It was 29 degrees or so, and there was frost on the windshield. Yeah... we San Antonians are hardcore when it comes to the cold.

Anyway, back to the present. I have about 4 weeks to find myself a Valentine. Umm... I'm so behind in Kaplan and Organic. And, I'm considering joining the Co-Ed FSA basketball team to stay in shape. Practices are Tuesdays and games are Sundays. Looking at my calendar, that only leaves Saturdays free. How will I cope, especially with Lent coming up?? Oh dear.

It's gonna be troublin'

This semester has just started, and I can already feel it. But for now, all is calm.

Recapping Thursday, there was an FSA meeting. I showed up probably 10 minutes late, and still the meeting hadn't started, but most of the seats were taken. I enter through the front, take the Barkada newsletter one girl was handing out, and pretend to read it as I head straight for the back and scope out the scene. Leaner was sitting in the front, but quickly got up from his seat to approach me.

"Hi," Leaner says, smiling as he eyes me up and down.
I lift my eyes up from the Barkada, muster up the best smile I could give for someone who has made my life misery, and I say, "Oh, Hey."
"Are you going to sit down?" Leaner asked.
I flick my eyes to where he had formerly sat, and I saw an empty seat next to his. Knowing that my affirmative answer would lead to his imploring me to sit next to him, I refuse. "I've been sitting all day."
I look to the left of me and see DJ Loki with his gf, so I take the opportunity to excuse myself from Leaner and congratulate the DJ for making it in our campus newspaper. Then, I head back to my former spot, with Leaner still hanging around the area.
Fifteen minutes after the meeting was supposed to begin, a hush fills the room as the officers finally call it to order. Leaner sets himself to be close to me, but at the last second I make a mad dash to the front, where there is an empty seat left. I gave myself a mental standing ovation not only for averting that foreseen hour of discomfort, but for getting an upclose view of Dr. Can and Mr. President.

As easy as it is to say I'm over Dr. Can, I still find myself drawn in. What is wrong with me?? I acknowledge that he wouldn't see me like I see him, but I still hope and wish. Anyway, I suffer through the meeting as best as I could, but I'm rehearsing exactly what to say to Leaner. I read through what I outlined to say, I rehearsed it in my head a few times, and I feel very nervous at the end of the meeting when I realize what I'm about to do. He comes to me right after the meeting, and he asks me if I was going to head out to the others to eat. I tell him probably not because of my growing pile of homework, although I'm considering it. He then leans in to me, and in a teasingly flirtatious voice that makes the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end, he tells me, "do you want to know what I was testing you on?"
I smile out of disbelief that he would have the audacity to bring that up again, especially as if to flirt with me. How much easier he was making it for me to tell him what he had to hear. I debated for a moment whether I really wanted to know or not. In truth, I did and I still do, but perhaps verbalizing the truth would in some stretch lead him on, and my New Years Resolution is not to lead the leaner. Hence: "I'd rather not, but I do have something to tell you." I look around, and I see still quite a bit of people, and then I think that it's not the most appropriate setting. Then, I see LA, and I wimpily excuse myself. After he laughs at me, and then after Kenny laughs at me, I go back to my spot to gather my things.

Leaner wasn't there, but he was still in the area. He makes his way to me, but then moments later, who else should come to me but Dr. Can. Dr. Can came to me. We talk about the spurs, then about our winter vacation-- Leaner still in the background --and I'm thinking what would make him go out of his way to talk to me?? Could it be?? Could it truly be???!

And then, he walks up to me after thirty seconds of conversation with Dr. Can. It's the President. Oh my freaking goodness, it's the president, and I wanted to laaaaaugh. And then, there was Mark and Alex. Four Guys! I couldn't have planned it out any better, because there I was, with four very gorgeous guys coming up to little old me, and there was the Leaner, fading away in the distance. What a perfect moment.

I want to paint this moment with my words for as long as I can just so I could savor it every time I look back on this post.

Anyway, at this point, Leaner is nonexistent to me. The President asks me if I'm going to catch something to eat. I say no. President looks somewhat disheartened, and then who should intercede but Dr. Can. "Wait! Let's try that again," he says.
President asks me if I'm going to eat, again. This time, I say yes, just because I was caught up in the moment. Then, I realize, I really don't have any money. I say this, and Mr. President says he doesn't know if he has any extra cash on him. He opens up his wallet and checks, and Dr. Can pulls the wallet and reveals its contents. Two Snoop Dogg Tickets.

I marvel at the two tickets, and then! Oh, can you only imagine what then after Dr. Can smiles and suggestively/jokingly throws out, "You can go with him to the Snoop Dogg show."

In that split second, it hits me. Like a sixteen-pound, regulation three-holed bowling ball with "Big Boy" engraved on it, it hits me. Dr. Can didn't approach me on his behalf, but on the President's. He is trying to play matchmaker! Oh, if he only knew, how he would laugh just like I am about how melodramaticly high school this whole thing is.

Why are Filipino guys so shy when it comes to this? They still act like grade school boys with a crush. Black guys are straightforward, Hispanic guys are suave, White guys-- well, they act like white guys-- and Filipino guys act like boys!!!!
And, until at least one Filipino guy is straight forward with me, I will write off every single Filipino male as a stupid boy. Just like Dr. Can. Just like Mr. President. Just like Leaner. All of them. Well... then there's Mark, who calls me his wifey, but as cute as he is (and, he sure is) I just can't take him seriously, and therefore he is just a stupid boy like the rest of them.

Anyway, after that incident, I re-prep myself to tell Leaner what it is I had to tell him. Then, as he is walking out with me, he tells me he has an organic quiz the next day. Immediately, the words retract from my foremost thoughts, and I don't have the heart to tell him something that could affect his quiz-taking the next day. Kenny yells at me later, but whatever.

I did manage to tell Leaner in the parking lot that I would never plan something again, especially since he stood me up twice. Hopefully that message got through to him, but I don't think it did since he still tried something at the restaurant. Thankfully, Kenny sat by me the entire night.

Okay, so rethinking everything, I retract the whole "Filipino guys are boys" thing. Kenny is a man. He is good to me. All these other guys are trifling. Pshh. whatever.

The rest of the weekend was unimpressively lackidasical, which was especially disappointing since my horoscope said big things would happen this weekend if I let it. Bleh, I didn't feel like going out, but I cleaned like mad. My room even got compliments from some of my roommate's friends. In fact, I'm a bit weirded out about how clean this room is right now. Really weirded out.

Tomorrow is MLKday. So sad to think that a man so beautiful could have been so unjustly murdered. I could only hope to make a fraction of an impact that he has had on the humanity.

excitingly unexciting

Last semester I made a promise to not blog unless I had something profound or eventful to say, hence the lack of daily (and at times, hourly) posts that I put up last semester. Actually, lots of things have been happening, and maybe I've been a bit too busy lately to put pen to paper, or in this case finger to keyboard. But, somewhat succintly, I'll try to put it down now before I look back on this blog in ten years and wonder why my January 2005 was so uneventful.

I've started dancing with the Persian Student Society. We meet three times a week, and we're practicing for a talent show in April. Last year, FSA won first place. Soley based on my ethnicity, I should be dancing with FSA, but I have no true loyalties to them... hahaha. And, here are the three main reasons why I'm dancing for PSS and not FSA: 1) Bellydancing, 2) my best friend's the choreographer, 3)Pooya, the cute PSS secretary that with the massively muscular legs that's also dancing. =) Plus, I kinda want to see certain FSA ppls reactions when they see me bellydancing on stage come April (all exept for the Leaner-- Back off!!!). But, NOT ONLY am I belly dancing--- nooo, it doesn't even end there--- I will be doing the SPLITS!!!! Currently, I'm lucky to get my legs to form an angle greater than ninety degrees (that's an obtuse angle, folks!), but that'll change soon.

Did you know that redecorating a space brings two people closer together? I read it somewhere that couples who redocrate their rooms have a greater chance of staying together. Anyway, Brigette bought this big huge wall clock: original price, $150; purchased at $10. The only thing is that it doesn't quite work right. It's a clock that runs on it's own time... like in "All Dogs Go to Heaven" when they're in that room with clocks all going at different speeds. Doesn't matter to us, since we're so dependent on our cellphones for the time that it's a surprise we can still tell time. Okay, so this purchase was made last Saturday. I got home from Jax, saw the clock, and felt inspired to rearrange the furniture. Now, our whole MLK weekend is devoted to decorating our living room. I'm really happy that we're getting along right now.

Lastly, and the thing that takes up most of my time these days:

One-Semester Organic: I have a Chem-crazed Englishman for a professor. At least it makes the two-hour 8:30 am class worth going to.
Physical and Rheological Properties of Biological Materials: Professor is nice, material seems easy, but the lab projects... eeek.
Biological Engineering Lab: Not worried about this one.
Dynamics: iffy
Mechanics of Materials: I had this professor during the summer term when I took Statics. He's a personality. I like him. He made this joke in Statics that went something like "Area of a circle is pi r squared. The FSU grad would say, no: pies are round, cakes are squared." Believe me, it's funnier when spoken. I was scratching my head for like a good minute until I finally got it. Anyway, he told the joke again this past Monday. And then five minute later people would interject in the middle of his lecture "ooooh!!! Cakes are squared!" hahahha... yeah. Good times.

Okay, so much for making this update brief... Anyway, there's an FSA meeting this Thursday, so you can imagine I'll be posting a message this Thursday night that'll be along the lines of "Dang you, Leaner. Heeelllooo, Dr. Can! Mr. President, you're looking mighty fine," et cetera.

OUCH! twice rejected!!!

I thought I'd never be happy to get stood up, two times in a row. I had set up two occassions to meet with leaner, both times he was unable to make it. HOWEVER!!! I was able to return the books to him, so I'm free from the deferment-digger title. Maybe, just maybe, he is not interested in me anymore, and then I won't have to let him have it. Although it is a great relief to me since I'm not one to confront people, I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get to let him have it--

the whole "you're a loser, and I'd marry a centipede before ever dating you" speech.

Yeah, perhaps he's better off this way.

Yesterday, he called me after standing me up the first time for dinner at the reitz (left me waiting for thirty minutes, the punk), and I told him I wanted to return the books and that I didn't care that he didn't show up. Actually, I think it's ironically funny, but whatever. He told me, and I quote...

I was testing you.

Me: "What exactly were you testing me on?"
Leaner: "I want to keep you guessing."

Oh, you are so LUCKY, Leaner, that I made a promise to myself not to curse.

He told me this teasingly... Putting me through a test. Not just any test, but a test of his device. I am more than intrigued to know what exactly were the parameters of this so-called test are, though I'm kinda apprehensive to know the actual results. I have never hoped more to fail on something than this supposed test.

Resolution '05: be assertive!

So far, following my mini-resolutions such as sleeping before midnight and planning my day's outfit the night before have not really worked out. Oh well-- 3 days down, 362 more to go, right??

Today is my first day back on campus, and I'm in the computer lab right now killing time until my roommate gets out of her 11:45 class. We'll go straight from campus to GRU to discuss our bill. We have suffered through two winter months of no central heating, and we have to show for it a $100 utilities bill. It says we have used 6.5 kiloWatts, when we weren't even at the apartment for the latter half of the month. 6.5 kW is equivalent to ten 100-watt lightbulbs burning for one month-- no turning it on or off-- just continuously on. We don't even own 100-watt bulbs. We always turn off our lightbulbs, computers, and tvs when we leave the apartment, we hardly ever cook, and the only things that we don't turn off are our refrigerator and fish tanks. Something is definitely amiss.

Now, what would my blog be without another leaner moment to retell? I put myself in a hole, but I'm equipped with a very big spoon, and I intend to either dig myself a way out or dig myself a deeper hole.

The Situation: yesterday around noon, I was all by myself in my apartment, scrubbing the kitchen countertops with bleach and minding my own business, and then I hear my cellphone's polyphonic ring (a la Ciara's Goodies). Displayed on my screen is his name. My phone was in my room, so wiping off the bleach from my hands and running from my kitchen to my room was no small feat. I considered not answering, and looking back now, I can't justify a reason to which I did, other than that I had done so much to get to my cell phone. I picked up, and he says he's at the Reitz, and he offers to buy my textbooks with his deferrment. I say I'll get back to him.

My Thought process: Take a chance, you stupid ho. No, wait... that's Gwen Stefani's song. For a moment, I thought to myself, don't do it-- it's wrong. But then conniving me got a hold. It's not his money, it's the government's money, and why not accept this token after he put me through months of stressing? I called him back an hour later, met up with him at 4, and had him buy me two text books ( Mechanics of Materials, $140; Dynamics, $30) and a surge protector, $20.

Ring Ring: he called me again... once right after I left him at the Reitz, and the second time around 7. He wanted me to go to a party with him. I made my excuses. He asked me what my schedule was for this upcoming semester, so he'd know my free time so that he can call me. (freak) I told him I was pretty much busy all the time. He asked for my AOL screen name. I lied and told him I didn't have one.

Instant Shame: So, this is what I've become-- I dodge him unless he offers me expensive things. I have become a golddigger. A deferrment golddigger. That's a new low.

Voice of Reason: Omnipotent and all-knowing Kenny told me to return the books and let him down, ASAP.

My Regret: I should have kept scrubbing the countertops and let the phone keep ringing.