Out from Left Field

I can't say I really understand how it came to mean that something totally unexpected had happened... but then again, I can't claim much comprehension for baseball either. With that being said, I would like to talk about how the Spurs totally swatted them Hornets last night. Ha, just keeding...

Disregard the baseball and basketball ramblings, and allow me to sort out certain things. An analysis, perhaps... certainly not objective, since I'll be projecting my own hopeful scenarios and discounting the undesirable.

Inherently, I'm becoming the person I claim to despise. I'm the girl who will tell someone I hate girls who gossip, and in that same breath I will freely disparage someone else's character. I'm a hypocrite and a terrible person, and I need to stop such bad behavior. Earlier in the year (which just started thirty days ago) I was considering to flat out stop gossiping for Lent, but then I couldn't see myself not gossiping for forty days. Now, I will difinitively stand behind that Lenten promise. I will not allow myself to gossip anymore. But from day to day I feel like gossip is becoming more and more a part of me... like body hair. It's all over-- subtle in some places, more pronounced in others, but it will always surround you. Weird analogy, I know, but it makes sense, right? I don't know if I could go totally bald for Lent. Ha.

Another thing that makes me a bad person: the Leaner situation. These FSA people have become more and more perceptive as to what's going on.... and I'm becoming less "sympathetic" to Leaner's character. To elucidate-- oh, and by the way, I'm wondering why the one word that means to clear things up and make it simple is such a flowery word-- consider my reasons for not being straightforward last semester. I wanted to spare his feelings and not make him feel bad about himself. Now, I still would rather not talk to him about it, but I'm just about ready to take the bold step of confrontation. It took three months or so to come to this point, and that's two months and twenty-nine days wasted on indecision and angsty repression. Okay, so with my incapability to approach him in mind, for the past two months I've also been talking about him, in the worst of terms, not only to this blogger but to friends and acqaintances. I can't bear to let him know how I feel, but I have no qualms in telling the rest of the world?? I'm the lowest form of low. If we were talking in geological terms, I would be in negative space in the earth's core. If we were measuring me in Kelvin, I'd be -300K: Lower than subzero temperature. It doesn't get any lower than that. But, with Lenten season coming about, I hope to rectify this depressing low I've put myself in.

So far, I've been talking about gradually-occuring revalations... not really "Left Field" topics. So, without further ado, what else would I be talking about. Boys. Again. Always. Because I'm just such a dork when it comes to these things.

I give up claiming to give up Dr. Can, and even typing this is hard enough to do without me laughing in disbelief. I should have the "He's just not that into you" book thrown at me repeatedly until I can no longer take it-- have some sense beaten into me. But, I caaan't heeeelp iiiit!!! I have said that because I'm over my pining, I could act like a fool and not care, like I always have. And, I've also always said that by just acting my goofy self somehow attracts guys. So, for the past month and a half I've been deliberately claiming to be over him just to make myself more attractive to him. What kind of psycho reasoning is that?! Not any sort concocted by a sane, rational, intelligent being. Well, I will digress a bit on that, and I'll say that it's too soon to really call my reasoning lunacy or genius. Over the past few months, I have been able to break through some sort of barriers with him... so... who knows what I'll be blogging next? =p I should include yesterday's encounter with him. There was a basketball practice scheduled for yesterday afternoon, but it ended up being only the two of us shooting basketballs around. And then, he drove me back to my apartment. I didn't drive myself because my roommate and I had strategically planned for her to drop me off and be unavailable for the rest of the day. For thirty minutes we sat in his car, talking. Well... I was talking, and he was responding. He told me that he noticed Leaner's leanings during the FSA meeting and kinda picked up on that. Sooo... go back to the January 16th post, scroll down a couple paragraphs where I ask the question as to why he came over. Then, read a couple paragraphs after that. Yeah, take as much time as you want... keep reading... okay. Done? Good. So, I first said that he came over as the Prez's wingman. SO WRONG! He came over for ME! No, this is not only some wishful speak, because he told me so himself in that car. No Lie! No way! Holy Sh... moly. But, enough of this dork.

Moving on to Tiger. He's not as flirty as he was before, and I in my engineering mindset have discovered a trend. First, he will uninhibitedly flirt with a girl. Any girl, be she tall, short, fat, thin, etc. Now, this is my patent-pending three-part if/then statement. If the girl receptively flirts back, and heaven forbid she shows sincere interest, then he will back off and act as if he never approached her like that. However, if the girl shoots him down and plays hard to get, then he will flirt even harder until he finally does wear her down and get her interested. And, if that should happen, then refer back to the first if/then. I have ample evidence to support this. The Tiger/Twin situation supports the second part of my theory. My own situation with him from last semester supports the third part of my theory. Then I've become more receptive this semester, and as a result, this has inversely affected the amount and quality of his flirtings per work shift. Now, just for extra measure to fully test the extent of applicability to my hypothesis, I've become less receptive again, and he became more flirtatious. So, in conlcusion, I can verify that he is indeed a classic Frat guy who wants to mess with girls. A breed first popularized in Bridget Jones' Diary as "the fuckwit." Girls can smell their expensive cologne from 5 miles away, and despite better judgement, still gravitate in their direction. Another conclusion I can safely state is that although he may like me and be attracted to me, he's just not that into me. I don't want a boyfriend like him, but I think having a close friend like him would be invaluable, because he is such a dog that he can tell me what other guys are being dogs. And, he has been very helpful with the Leaner thing.

SO, now another Panda server has a crush for me, and he's going about it through the "friend route." First, he goes on for thirty minutes about how he would wear a girl down, and then he pulls out the same stuff on me. Would he think I'm not as observant as to pick that signal up? I dont' know what to do, because he is a nice guy, and a fun person to talk to, although I wouldn't see us as something more. He's cute in his own right, and I'd hate to say that I don't find him attractive and that's my only reason, but I'm trying to validate my level of depth with a more substantial reason. He is too knowledgable as far as girls are concerned, and from what i gather, he only gets with the pretty ones because they are pretty. And, he is smooth in his approach. Sooo smooth. Now, I've been getting these signals from him since DTJ, and especially now that he explained his methods, I can call him on it. Is he only interested in me because I'm pretty? Does he even know what a nutcase I am?? Because, if he did... if anyone did, then they wouldn't even bother with me. Two people who have an idea are Kenny and Lavell.

Now, my boss. I think he broke up with his girlfriend, because why is he yelling at me less and complimenting me more?? Granted, I am becoming more efficient in cashiering, but really. Call me crazy, but I'm picking up signals from him. Well... I am crazy, so just disregard this.

Fever sure has got me good

I'm ready for the news so tell my straight
hey doctor, just what do you diagnose?
There ain't a surgeon like you any place in all the world
so now shall I remove my clothes??

So, here I am, suffering at this ungodly hour from the worst post-nap headache in history, and what do you suppose? I can't help but smile, but we'll get to that later.

First, I want to vent about my tentative bellydancing situation. Layla, who has been choreographing an outstanding presentation for the VISA talent show in April (since last summer, no less), is hardly receiving any support from her own people. If I were Persian, I would be busting out with my dance culture. Actually, I don't know if I can say that considering I don't participate in FSA's dance events. The ever so sharpened pencil point is that these kids are too lazy to participate. Over two hundred people are a part of the Persian Student Society, and she's struggling to even confirm ten Persians for the dance. That's five percent. Thumbs down for 95% of you PSS gators. for shame. And, I have nothing but the greatest admiration for Layla, who has been dealing with their noncommittal promises from the beginning. And, I realized another thing... viewed from a certain angle, one certain massively-thighed dancer looks like Aladdin. Maybe? Eh... maybe not. But, he sure is fine! I read somewhere online that you can get someone to fall for you if we both keep eye contact for extended amounts of time. Let's just say I'm currently performing a scientific experiment on random samples of guys... well, one parameter-- they have to be hot. ^.~

I've caught the eye of a Tiger, and I'm thinking that my Valentine's Day won't be so desolate and inconsolable after all. Tiger and I have flirted for about.... 4 months now? I believe so. Yeah, so I threw the Leaner thing in his face and asked him what he would do about it, since Tiger claims that I will someday be his "wifey." He said he'd come to my rescue, in much less poetic terms, but with him I just can't take anything he says seriously. And, I'm a bit miffed that I only got Tiger to be my valentine in order to save me from that pathetic situation of either being valentine-less or valentine-leaned on. Not the most romantic of situations, but I wouldn't count on anything romantic between Tiger and me anyway. I just want to have a good time with somebody, and I do have fun with Tiger. And, the fact that he is in that can't-be-taken-seriously state with me makes it all the more fun.

Now, I saw Leaner today, at the Reitz. How come when I ask him to be there, he never is, and when I don't really want to see him ever again, he shows?? There is no justice in this world. =P He was definitely wanting to hang out, but I was suffering from inexplicable mid-winter allergies, a major headahe, and hungerpangs. Also, I was running late for my Kaplan session. I'm glad he wasn't leaning. As much as I am loathe to wish for even my worst enemy to be the object of his affections, I do hope he finds someone else to pester. I saw him talking to some other girl when I was rushing to the cafeteria to grab myself a quick bite, and for an instant I thought my hopes had been realized... and when I had come out from the Wendy's order pick-up line, who would I come face to face with but him. Lucky me.

I also so Mr. President today. He was coming out of the same bus I was about to board. That means he lives in my area! Now, if I could only coordinate it so that we ride the bus at the same time. Wow, I sound kinda Leaner-ish. Hehee. Lavell recently brought up that the Prez walks with a limp. Before that, I hadn't noticed a thing, but now it's all I see when I see him. It's funny the things you don't really notice when you've got a crush. Darn you, Lavell!

Now, I wish to sum it up with what will happen tomorrow. The Doctor will be making a housecall. Chatting with him around midnight, I told him about my head ache that keeps me nonsomnescient. Is that a word? If not, it should be-- Either that or sonorously-incapacitated. Tomayto, Tomahto... whatever. I can't sleep because my head hurts. He first suggested a head massage... i wouldn't have been so bold as to take the suggestion a step further, since I am claiming to stay away from him after all, but he did offer to run some painkillers my way tomorrow if I were still cephalodynic. Okay, I'm positive that word is real, so HA! I wouldn't want my headache to last for that long... but, to see whether Dr. Can would be true to his word, I wouldn't mind a couple 24 hours or more of this headache. Whether or not it lasts, I'd probably have him run by some Aspirin anyway, just in case. ^.~ In that same article that mentioned the eye-contact thing, it also said to let a guy do something that he offers to do. But... yeah, I'm soo over the mentality I took on when I first met him, although I still am a bit shy around him. I think, getting over him should be like a step-by-step process. Sooo... would planning to have him come over tomorrow mean that I'm regressing? Oh dear.

status solo

I must admit, I envy my roommate that she has always had a valentine since middle school. My record is 0 for 19. Let's see if I can do it for two decades now! But, this valentine's day I can't say that I haven't been asked, considering Leaner is still out there.

It's finally winter weather in Florida. It's a subarctic 36 right now... I'm surprised I don't see penguins and polar bears right outside my window. Part of me wishes that I grew up north so that I could at least tolerate this cold weather, but I wouldn't trade my Texas memories for anything. I remember one time in the winter when we had school cancelled. It was 29 degrees or so, and there was frost on the windshield. Yeah... we San Antonians are hardcore when it comes to the cold.

Anyway, back to the present. I have about 4 weeks to find myself a Valentine. Umm... I'm so behind in Kaplan and Organic. And, I'm considering joining the Co-Ed FSA basketball team to stay in shape. Practices are Tuesdays and games are Sundays. Looking at my calendar, that only leaves Saturdays free. How will I cope, especially with Lent coming up?? Oh dear.

It's gonna be troublin'

This semester has just started, and I can already feel it. But for now, all is calm.

Recapping Thursday, there was an FSA meeting. I showed up probably 10 minutes late, and still the meeting hadn't started, but most of the seats were taken. I enter through the front, take the Barkada newsletter one girl was handing out, and pretend to read it as I head straight for the back and scope out the scene. Leaner was sitting in the front, but quickly got up from his seat to approach me.

"Hi," Leaner says, smiling as he eyes me up and down.
I lift my eyes up from the Barkada, muster up the best smile I could give for someone who has made my life misery, and I say, "Oh, Hey."
"Are you going to sit down?" Leaner asked.
I flick my eyes to where he had formerly sat, and I saw an empty seat next to his. Knowing that my affirmative answer would lead to his imploring me to sit next to him, I refuse. "I've been sitting all day."
I look to the left of me and see DJ Loki with his gf, so I take the opportunity to excuse myself from Leaner and congratulate the DJ for making it in our campus newspaper. Then, I head back to my former spot, with Leaner still hanging around the area.
Fifteen minutes after the meeting was supposed to begin, a hush fills the room as the officers finally call it to order. Leaner sets himself to be close to me, but at the last second I make a mad dash to the front, where there is an empty seat left. I gave myself a mental standing ovation not only for averting that foreseen hour of discomfort, but for getting an upclose view of Dr. Can and Mr. President.

As easy as it is to say I'm over Dr. Can, I still find myself drawn in. What is wrong with me?? I acknowledge that he wouldn't see me like I see him, but I still hope and wish. Anyway, I suffer through the meeting as best as I could, but I'm rehearsing exactly what to say to Leaner. I read through what I outlined to say, I rehearsed it in my head a few times, and I feel very nervous at the end of the meeting when I realize what I'm about to do. He comes to me right after the meeting, and he asks me if I was going to head out to the others to eat. I tell him probably not because of my growing pile of homework, although I'm considering it. He then leans in to me, and in a teasingly flirtatious voice that makes the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end, he tells me, "do you want to know what I was testing you on?"
I smile out of disbelief that he would have the audacity to bring that up again, especially as if to flirt with me. How much easier he was making it for me to tell him what he had to hear. I debated for a moment whether I really wanted to know or not. In truth, I did and I still do, but perhaps verbalizing the truth would in some stretch lead him on, and my New Years Resolution is not to lead the leaner. Hence: "I'd rather not, but I do have something to tell you." I look around, and I see still quite a bit of people, and then I think that it's not the most appropriate setting. Then, I see LA, and I wimpily excuse myself. After he laughs at me, and then after Kenny laughs at me, I go back to my spot to gather my things.

Leaner wasn't there, but he was still in the area. He makes his way to me, but then moments later, who else should come to me but Dr. Can. Dr. Can came to me. We talk about the spurs, then about our winter vacation-- Leaner still in the background --and I'm thinking what would make him go out of his way to talk to me?? Could it be?? Could it truly be???!

And then, he walks up to me after thirty seconds of conversation with Dr. Can. It's the President. Oh my freaking goodness, it's the president, and I wanted to laaaaaugh. And then, there was Mark and Alex. Four Guys! I couldn't have planned it out any better, because there I was, with four very gorgeous guys coming up to little old me, and there was the Leaner, fading away in the distance. What a perfect moment.

I want to paint this moment with my words for as long as I can just so I could savor it every time I look back on this post.

Anyway, at this point, Leaner is nonexistent to me. The President asks me if I'm going to catch something to eat. I say no. President looks somewhat disheartened, and then who should intercede but Dr. Can. "Wait! Let's try that again," he says.
President asks me if I'm going to eat, again. This time, I say yes, just because I was caught up in the moment. Then, I realize, I really don't have any money. I say this, and Mr. President says he doesn't know if he has any extra cash on him. He opens up his wallet and checks, and Dr. Can pulls the wallet and reveals its contents. Two Snoop Dogg Tickets.

I marvel at the two tickets, and then! Oh, can you only imagine what then after Dr. Can smiles and suggestively/jokingly throws out, "You can go with him to the Snoop Dogg show."

In that split second, it hits me. Like a sixteen-pound, regulation three-holed bowling ball with "Big Boy" engraved on it, it hits me. Dr. Can didn't approach me on his behalf, but on the President's. He is trying to play matchmaker! Oh, if he only knew, how he would laugh just like I am about how melodramaticly high school this whole thing is.

Why are Filipino guys so shy when it comes to this? They still act like grade school boys with a crush. Black guys are straightforward, Hispanic guys are suave, White guys-- well, they act like white guys-- and Filipino guys act like boys!!!!
And, until at least one Filipino guy is straight forward with me, I will write off every single Filipino male as a stupid boy. Just like Dr. Can. Just like Mr. President. Just like Leaner. All of them. Well... then there's Mark, who calls me his wifey, but as cute as he is (and, he sure is) I just can't take him seriously, and therefore he is just a stupid boy like the rest of them.

Anyway, after that incident, I re-prep myself to tell Leaner what it is I had to tell him. Then, as he is walking out with me, he tells me he has an organic quiz the next day. Immediately, the words retract from my foremost thoughts, and I don't have the heart to tell him something that could affect his quiz-taking the next day. Kenny yells at me later, but whatever.

I did manage to tell Leaner in the parking lot that I would never plan something again, especially since he stood me up twice. Hopefully that message got through to him, but I don't think it did since he still tried something at the restaurant. Thankfully, Kenny sat by me the entire night.

Okay, so rethinking everything, I retract the whole "Filipino guys are boys" thing. Kenny is a man. He is good to me. All these other guys are trifling. Pshh. whatever.

The rest of the weekend was unimpressively lackidasical, which was especially disappointing since my horoscope said big things would happen this weekend if I let it. Bleh, I didn't feel like going out, but I cleaned like mad. My room even got compliments from some of my roommate's friends. In fact, I'm a bit weirded out about how clean this room is right now. Really weirded out.

Tomorrow is MLKday. So sad to think that a man so beautiful could have been so unjustly murdered. I could only hope to make a fraction of an impact that he has had on the humanity.

excitingly unexciting

Last semester I made a promise to not blog unless I had something profound or eventful to say, hence the lack of daily (and at times, hourly) posts that I put up last semester. Actually, lots of things have been happening, and maybe I've been a bit too busy lately to put pen to paper, or in this case finger to keyboard. But, somewhat succintly, I'll try to put it down now before I look back on this blog in ten years and wonder why my January 2005 was so uneventful.

I've started dancing with the Persian Student Society. We meet three times a week, and we're practicing for a talent show in April. Last year, FSA won first place. Soley based on my ethnicity, I should be dancing with FSA, but I have no true loyalties to them... hahaha. And, here are the three main reasons why I'm dancing for PSS and not FSA: 1) Bellydancing, 2) my best friend's the choreographer, 3)Pooya, the cute PSS secretary that with the massively muscular legs that's also dancing. =) Plus, I kinda want to see certain FSA ppls reactions when they see me bellydancing on stage come April (all exept for the Leaner-- Back off!!!). But, NOT ONLY am I belly dancing--- nooo, it doesn't even end there--- I will be doing the SPLITS!!!! Currently, I'm lucky to get my legs to form an angle greater than ninety degrees (that's an obtuse angle, folks!), but that'll change soon.

Did you know that redecorating a space brings two people closer together? I read it somewhere that couples who redocrate their rooms have a greater chance of staying together. Anyway, Brigette bought this big huge wall clock: original price, $150; purchased at $10. The only thing is that it doesn't quite work right. It's a clock that runs on it's own time... like in "All Dogs Go to Heaven" when they're in that room with clocks all going at different speeds. Doesn't matter to us, since we're so dependent on our cellphones for the time that it's a surprise we can still tell time. Okay, so this purchase was made last Saturday. I got home from Jax, saw the clock, and felt inspired to rearrange the furniture. Now, our whole MLK weekend is devoted to decorating our living room. I'm really happy that we're getting along right now.

Lastly, and the thing that takes up most of my time these days:

One-Semester Organic: I have a Chem-crazed Englishman for a professor. At least it makes the two-hour 8:30 am class worth going to.
Physical and Rheological Properties of Biological Materials: Professor is nice, material seems easy, but the lab projects... eeek.
Biological Engineering Lab: Not worried about this one.
Dynamics: iffy
Mechanics of Materials: I had this professor during the summer term when I took Statics. He's a personality. I like him. He made this joke in Statics that went something like "Area of a circle is pi r squared. The FSU grad would say, no: pies are round, cakes are squared." Believe me, it's funnier when spoken. I was scratching my head for like a good minute until I finally got it. Anyway, he told the joke again this past Monday. And then five minute later people would interject in the middle of his lecture "ooooh!!! Cakes are squared!" hahahha... yeah. Good times.

Okay, so much for making this update brief... Anyway, there's an FSA meeting this Thursday, so you can imagine I'll be posting a message this Thursday night that'll be along the lines of "Dang you, Leaner. Heeelllooo, Dr. Can! Mr. President, you're looking mighty fine," et cetera.

OUCH! twice rejected!!!

I thought I'd never be happy to get stood up, two times in a row. I had set up two occassions to meet with leaner, both times he was unable to make it. HOWEVER!!! I was able to return the books to him, so I'm free from the deferment-digger title. Maybe, just maybe, he is not interested in me anymore, and then I won't have to let him have it. Although it is a great relief to me since I'm not one to confront people, I am kind of disappointed that I didn't get to let him have it--

the whole "you're a loser, and I'd marry a centipede before ever dating you" speech.

Yeah, perhaps he's better off this way.

Yesterday, he called me after standing me up the first time for dinner at the reitz (left me waiting for thirty minutes, the punk), and I told him I wanted to return the books and that I didn't care that he didn't show up. Actually, I think it's ironically funny, but whatever. He told me, and I quote...

I was testing you.

Me: "What exactly were you testing me on?"
Leaner: "I want to keep you guessing."

Oh, you are so LUCKY, Leaner, that I made a promise to myself not to curse.

He told me this teasingly... Putting me through a test. Not just any test, but a test of his device. I am more than intrigued to know what exactly were the parameters of this so-called test are, though I'm kinda apprehensive to know the actual results. I have never hoped more to fail on something than this supposed test.

Resolution '05: be assertive!

So far, following my mini-resolutions such as sleeping before midnight and planning my day's outfit the night before have not really worked out. Oh well-- 3 days down, 362 more to go, right??

Today is my first day back on campus, and I'm in the computer lab right now killing time until my roommate gets out of her 11:45 class. We'll go straight from campus to GRU to discuss our bill. We have suffered through two winter months of no central heating, and we have to show for it a $100 utilities bill. It says we have used 6.5 kiloWatts, when we weren't even at the apartment for the latter half of the month. 6.5 kW is equivalent to ten 100-watt lightbulbs burning for one month-- no turning it on or off-- just continuously on. We don't even own 100-watt bulbs. We always turn off our lightbulbs, computers, and tvs when we leave the apartment, we hardly ever cook, and the only things that we don't turn off are our refrigerator and fish tanks. Something is definitely amiss.

Now, what would my blog be without another leaner moment to retell? I put myself in a hole, but I'm equipped with a very big spoon, and I intend to either dig myself a way out or dig myself a deeper hole.

The Situation: yesterday around noon, I was all by myself in my apartment, scrubbing the kitchen countertops with bleach and minding my own business, and then I hear my cellphone's polyphonic ring (a la Ciara's Goodies). Displayed on my screen is his name. My phone was in my room, so wiping off the bleach from my hands and running from my kitchen to my room was no small feat. I considered not answering, and looking back now, I can't justify a reason to which I did, other than that I had done so much to get to my cell phone. I picked up, and he says he's at the Reitz, and he offers to buy my textbooks with his deferrment. I say I'll get back to him.

My Thought process: Take a chance, you stupid ho. No, wait... that's Gwen Stefani's song. For a moment, I thought to myself, don't do it-- it's wrong. But then conniving me got a hold. It's not his money, it's the government's money, and why not accept this token after he put me through months of stressing? I called him back an hour later, met up with him at 4, and had him buy me two text books ( Mechanics of Materials, $140; Dynamics, $30) and a surge protector, $20.

Ring Ring: he called me again... once right after I left him at the Reitz, and the second time around 7. He wanted me to go to a party with him. I made my excuses. He asked me what my schedule was for this upcoming semester, so he'd know my free time so that he can call me. (freak) I told him I was pretty much busy all the time. He asked for my AOL screen name. I lied and told him I didn't have one.

Instant Shame: So, this is what I've become-- I dodge him unless he offers me expensive things. I have become a golddigger. A deferrment golddigger. That's a new low.

Voice of Reason: Omnipotent and all-knowing Kenny told me to return the books and let him down, ASAP.

My Regret: I should have kept scrubbing the countertops and let the phone keep ringing.