Out from Left Field

I can't say I really understand how it came to mean that something totally unexpected had happened... but then again, I can't claim much comprehension for baseball either. With that being said, I would like to talk about how the Spurs totally swatted them Hornets last night. Ha, just keeding...

Disregard the baseball and basketball ramblings, and allow me to sort out certain things. An analysis, perhaps... certainly not objective, since I'll be projecting my own hopeful scenarios and discounting the undesirable.

Inherently, I'm becoming the person I claim to despise. I'm the girl who will tell someone I hate girls who gossip, and in that same breath I will freely disparage someone else's character. I'm a hypocrite and a terrible person, and I need to stop such bad behavior. Earlier in the year (which just started thirty days ago) I was considering to flat out stop gossiping for Lent, but then I couldn't see myself not gossiping for forty days. Now, I will difinitively stand behind that Lenten promise. I will not allow myself to gossip anymore. But from day to day I feel like gossip is becoming more and more a part of me... like body hair. It's all over-- subtle in some places, more pronounced in others, but it will always surround you. Weird analogy, I know, but it makes sense, right? I don't know if I could go totally bald for Lent. Ha.

Another thing that makes me a bad person: the Leaner situation. These FSA people have become more and more perceptive as to what's going on.... and I'm becoming less "sympathetic" to Leaner's character. To elucidate-- oh, and by the way, I'm wondering why the one word that means to clear things up and make it simple is such a flowery word-- consider my reasons for not being straightforward last semester. I wanted to spare his feelings and not make him feel bad about himself. Now, I still would rather not talk to him about it, but I'm just about ready to take the bold step of confrontation. It took three months or so to come to this point, and that's two months and twenty-nine days wasted on indecision and angsty repression. Okay, so with my incapability to approach him in mind, for the past two months I've also been talking about him, in the worst of terms, not only to this blogger but to friends and acqaintances. I can't bear to let him know how I feel, but I have no qualms in telling the rest of the world?? I'm the lowest form of low. If we were talking in geological terms, I would be in negative space in the earth's core. If we were measuring me in Kelvin, I'd be -300K: Lower than subzero temperature. It doesn't get any lower than that. But, with Lenten season coming about, I hope to rectify this depressing low I've put myself in.

So far, I've been talking about gradually-occuring revalations... not really "Left Field" topics. So, without further ado, what else would I be talking about. Boys. Again. Always. Because I'm just such a dork when it comes to these things.

I give up claiming to give up Dr. Can, and even typing this is hard enough to do without me laughing in disbelief. I should have the "He's just not that into you" book thrown at me repeatedly until I can no longer take it-- have some sense beaten into me. But, I caaan't heeeelp iiiit!!! I have said that because I'm over my pining, I could act like a fool and not care, like I always have. And, I've also always said that by just acting my goofy self somehow attracts guys. So, for the past month and a half I've been deliberately claiming to be over him just to make myself more attractive to him. What kind of psycho reasoning is that?! Not any sort concocted by a sane, rational, intelligent being. Well, I will digress a bit on that, and I'll say that it's too soon to really call my reasoning lunacy or genius. Over the past few months, I have been able to break through some sort of barriers with him... so... who knows what I'll be blogging next? =p I should include yesterday's encounter with him. There was a basketball practice scheduled for yesterday afternoon, but it ended up being only the two of us shooting basketballs around. And then, he drove me back to my apartment. I didn't drive myself because my roommate and I had strategically planned for her to drop me off and be unavailable for the rest of the day. For thirty minutes we sat in his car, talking. Well... I was talking, and he was responding. He told me that he noticed Leaner's leanings during the FSA meeting and kinda picked up on that. Sooo... go back to the January 16th post, scroll down a couple paragraphs where I ask the question as to why he came over. Then, read a couple paragraphs after that. Yeah, take as much time as you want... keep reading... okay. Done? Good. So, I first said that he came over as the Prez's wingman. SO WRONG! He came over for ME! No, this is not only some wishful speak, because he told me so himself in that car. No Lie! No way! Holy Sh... moly. But, enough of this dork.

Moving on to Tiger. He's not as flirty as he was before, and I in my engineering mindset have discovered a trend. First, he will uninhibitedly flirt with a girl. Any girl, be she tall, short, fat, thin, etc. Now, this is my patent-pending three-part if/then statement. If the girl receptively flirts back, and heaven forbid she shows sincere interest, then he will back off and act as if he never approached her like that. However, if the girl shoots him down and plays hard to get, then he will flirt even harder until he finally does wear her down and get her interested. And, if that should happen, then refer back to the first if/then. I have ample evidence to support this. The Tiger/Twin situation supports the second part of my theory. My own situation with him from last semester supports the third part of my theory. Then I've become more receptive this semester, and as a result, this has inversely affected the amount and quality of his flirtings per work shift. Now, just for extra measure to fully test the extent of applicability to my hypothesis, I've become less receptive again, and he became more flirtatious. So, in conlcusion, I can verify that he is indeed a classic Frat guy who wants to mess with girls. A breed first popularized in Bridget Jones' Diary as "the fuckwit." Girls can smell their expensive cologne from 5 miles away, and despite better judgement, still gravitate in their direction. Another conclusion I can safely state is that although he may like me and be attracted to me, he's just not that into me. I don't want a boyfriend like him, but I think having a close friend like him would be invaluable, because he is such a dog that he can tell me what other guys are being dogs. And, he has been very helpful with the Leaner thing.

SO, now another Panda server has a crush for me, and he's going about it through the "friend route." First, he goes on for thirty minutes about how he would wear a girl down, and then he pulls out the same stuff on me. Would he think I'm not as observant as to pick that signal up? I dont' know what to do, because he is a nice guy, and a fun person to talk to, although I wouldn't see us as something more. He's cute in his own right, and I'd hate to say that I don't find him attractive and that's my only reason, but I'm trying to validate my level of depth with a more substantial reason. He is too knowledgable as far as girls are concerned, and from what i gather, he only gets with the pretty ones because they are pretty. And, he is smooth in his approach. Sooo smooth. Now, I've been getting these signals from him since DTJ, and especially now that he explained his methods, I can call him on it. Is he only interested in me because I'm pretty? Does he even know what a nutcase I am?? Because, if he did... if anyone did, then they wouldn't even bother with me. Two people who have an idea are Kenny and Lavell.

Now, my boss. I think he broke up with his girlfriend, because why is he yelling at me less and complimenting me more?? Granted, I am becoming more efficient in cashiering, but really. Call me crazy, but I'm picking up signals from him. Well... I am crazy, so just disregard this.