I hab a stuppy dose

I was so proud that I had gone through the year without getting a cold. Sure, I sneezed alot this year, but that was allergies (dirt, dust, pollen, animals, flowers). And, my mom gets on my back every five seconds about taking echinacea and vitamin C. grrr.... not happy.

Anyway, I finally did work in the house today. Just a spoonful of tequila makes all the difference: Kristine and I had fun with my pa's stash. Man, I was getting drunk off a tablespoon, forreal. What a wimp, right?

Then, we helped with dusting (ahhchoooo!) and Kristine, Jerome, and I got to go on the top of the roof! It was such a great view, but it was so scary to look down.

I failed my Personality Test...

Advanced Big Five Personality Test Results

Sociability	||||||||||||||||	62%
Gregariousness	||||||||||||||||||	78%
Assertiveness	||||||||||||||||||	78%
Activity Level	||||||||||||	46%
Excitement-Seeking	||||||||||||	50%
Cheerfulness	||||||||||||||||||	74%
Extroversion	||||||||||||||||	64%
Trust	||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Morality	||||||||||||||||||	74%
Altruism	||||||||||||||	54%
Cooperation	||||||||||||||||	62%
Modesty	||||	18%
Sympathy	||||||||||||||||	66%
Friendliness	||||||||||||||	60%
Self-Efficacy	||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Neatness	||||||||||||||	58%
Dutifulness	||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Achievement	||||||||||||||||||	74%
Self-Discipline	||||||||||||||||	62%
Cautiousness	||||||||||||||	58%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||||	69%
Anxiety	||||||||||	38%
Anger	||||||||||||||||	66%
Depression	||||||	22%
Self-Consciousness	||||||||||||||	58%
Immoderation	||||||||||||	42%
Vulnerability	||||||||||	38%
Emotional Stability	||||||||||||||	56%
Imagination	||||||||||||||||	70%
Artistic Interests	||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Emotionality	||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Adventurousness	||||||||||||||	58%
Intellect	||||||||||||||||	70%
Liberalism	||||||	26%
Openmindedness	||||||||||||||||	66%

Take Free Advanced Big 5 Personality Test

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Opening presents is such a wasteful event. You buy the gift, and on top of that you buy the giftwrap. After laborious hours of wrapping up one hundred or so presents (if your lucky to have so many friends and family), they spend 10 seconds ripping your craftiwork apart. The ripped wrapping paper is discarded on the floor (which you have to pick up later). Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Other than that momentary bitterness, I'm quite satisfied this Christmas. But, what finds me at the computer and not with family or friends? There's nothing to do at the moment, and I have a few things with which to reflect. The thing is, I haven't opened my presents yet. Opening presents doesn't seem as imperative as it once was in my younger years-- I've noticed this on the zenith of my own teen-hood. What is important is being around people who love you and want to share in your happiness. I already have that: I don't need to open presents to feel happy. And really, opening presents isn't meant to be a thing you do alone-- it's something you share with your family. My sister opened her presents earlier, and I don't blame her. She should have that fun, but I wish she could have waited until the family was together and able to share in the joy. She didn't have that luxury.

The Christmas party last night. I was so amazed to really sit down and see everyone once again. I still think of these people from five years ago, and so much has changed. Kids that were babies when I left are now in grade school. My crew, who was still in middle school when i left, are set to graduate high school and go to college. They talk about typical things that overly-hormonal teenagers talk about-- gettin' it on with girlfriends/boyfriends, and turning every unassuming word into a sexual euphemism. I guess I'm not as into all that as everyone else is, but I also feel like I didn't really miss out on anything, and I have no qualms in saying that my mother's stringence got me through unscathed. But, you'd find me hardpressed to admit that to her!

if you're happy and you know it, form your hands into fists and raise them as high as you can

This is Gregg Popovich. Gregg Popovich is the coach of the San Antonio Spurs. He's happy because the Spurs are on an 11 game winning streak. I'm happy that he's happy. =)

A Christmastime Contrition, and a cold

Rather than going to a church, I shall make my confessions here.

I stole a pluffy beanie baby at borders today.
I bought candy with money that wasn't mine.
I spoke ill of my benefactors.
I spoke ill of my elders.
I set a bad example for others.

I don't expect absolution, but I feel horrible about what I did, especially with it being so close to Christ's birthday.

So, I am definitely coming down with a cold. Those of you with weak stomachs and a distaste for bodily fluids should definitely skip this paragraph. I've been having a runny nose all day, and it's horrible, especially when wrapping other people's presents. They don't want you wrapping with the knowledge that your hands came in contact with your snot. But, you don't want the people to see your runny nose. So, I'm at a quandry as to whether to blow my nose or not, and all the while I'm sniffing it all back up.

I'm supposed to be going to a party now, but I am ready to pass out. bleehhhhh

the papercut memoir

"Please donate for the Filipino women's scholarship fund." Kristine and I just spent 12 hours at Borders wrapping presents for rich people. You'd be amazed at the kind of people who shop at Borders. They're mostly rich or sophisticated people. But, lots of the people I encountered were not quite sophisticated... for the most part, these people drove us mad. There was one lady who paid us $5 to wrap 7 of the same books, and she went on incessantly about what she should buy as presents for other people. Considering most other people gave us $2 to wrap one gift, we were pissed off about that. In short, we'd have paid $5 to have avoided her altogether. Another man went on talking about his wild days roaming the country and selling tee shirts, and how he now travels to exotic places and checks on their child labor policy there. The last guy we wrapped presents for was really nice, and he gave us $10. hooray for generous people!

We raised $300, which I think is quite amazing for just wrapping presents. I better get a share of that money, for all the wrapping and papercuts that I got.

So, my condition (steatopygea-- google it up) attracted many guys today-- typically the ghetto igots. Kristine and I went over to Malik Rose's restaurant, and his cousin (as he claims) gave me his (his own, not malik's) number. ^_^ GOOD TIMES.

Cool Matt

For the first time I chatted with Mateo. He is really such a sweetheart, and it makes me wonder what Kristine did to deserve him! ::just kidding. please don't take back the Christmas present:: Matt is great-- he writes beautiful poetry and he totally adores Kristine. And, Kristine is bending over backwards for this relationship to work. She must really care for Matt to be doing all this. Isn't love grand?

Good day, officer. What seems to be the trouble?

There I was, driving happily along i-75, and a big truck is in front of me. I, being deathly terrified of trucks (thank in part to final destination), crossed to another lane to pass it. Behind me was a dark green car. It flicked its lights at me, wanting me to go back, but I was stupid. I did not move to the other lane. I sped up. I passed the scary big truck. I got pulled over. I was going 87 in a 70. Go figure.

The only thing I really regret was getting caught, but I was pretty stupid. And the whole time I was just asking for it. I found my driver's license, which happened to be in my car the entire time, so I was driving legally, but i didn't know it. Now, that's irony. I was driving more cautiously without the liscence because i was afraid of getting caught, and since i had it, I guess I made the mistake of not caring if I got caught or not. But, a $149 mistake? Definitely something that I won't tell the rents about.

Anyway, Orlando was awesome! Hanging with Mary and Leah in Epcot was definitely theraputic. Mission Space was incredible, and being in the audience for Candlelight was simply amazing!

Now I'm in SA. Seeing the old house was reminiscent. I love that house, and if I had all the money in the world, I'd make it the cutest little house. But, I'm a poor college student: -$149 poorer.

Now, about academics, since I'm sure everyone wants to know how that turned out. I did spectacularly on my physics exam, after studing for 15 hours! I was the last one to finish in the classroom, so as I was turning the exam in to the professor, he asked me in his thick accent what I thought about the exam. I told him it was easier than I expected. He said that that was the way he wanted it.

In Social Dance, Caserta said that only one group counted on time with the music. That was definitely our group! Hahaha... yes! So, I got an A in that class.

Let's see, here's my anticipated final grades: Physics- B; Physics Lab- B+; Calculus- B; Bio Engineering Design- A; Intro to Bio Engineering- B+ or A; Social Dance- A. Hopefully that's now it turns out

In defense of a friend's character

What do you do when you have friends who don't like another friend? There are aspects of the latter friend that verge on vexing, but overall I like that friend, and that friend is a good companion to me.

What do you do when you have an ex-friend whom everyone likes? This ex-friend is a nice person, but this ex-friend is unaccepting of who I am.

I guess this is where the voice comes in, saying, "If your friends jumped off a cliff, would you follow?" But, it's not as if my friends are idiots plummeting to the ground.

The thing is that the first friend, although possessing a want of maturity and tact, is very genuine and helpful. The ex-friend feigns maturity, ambition, and intelligence. All I want from my friends is to be honest with me. I respect honesty, and I hate FAKENESS.

take away Saddam Hussein's authority and power, his razor, and his deoderant, and he is still a wiseass emm eff-er

I love watching CNN right now-- it's media frenzy at its best! They even had this reporter crawl into the actual hole Saddam was in the past few days, and he looked stuck in there. Next thing you know, they'll start growing beards as long as Saddam's to know how long he had gone without a shave.

Wolf Blitzer had all these great guests around lunch time today. One had formerly met Saddam back in '94, one was in Iraq, and the other was an analyst. I wonder where all these guests of his come from, and how he gets them on there so quickly. You think that important people like that would already have things planned around lunchtime, but then again, you don't always get a call from someone like Wolf Blitzer asking for an interview on national television. I hope Saddam is executed in the worst possible way.

President Bush is now my newest hero. Lots of people believe that Prez. Bush declared this war for fat rich white guys rather than the Iraqis. It may be true, it may not. It doesn't matter right now. Sure, those white guys may profit, but any way around it, they always make a profit so that's nothing new. Did you happen to watch CNN and look at the look of joy on those Iraqis' faces? Did you see how haggard Saddam looked? A dictator likened to Hitler was brought to his knees this past weekend! Nothing like this would have ever been accomplished in any other president's term.

My first real Tagalog sentence. What do you think??

Nais ang Brigette ng tao sa RI kolehiyo

Mini-holidays = F U N !

I just got back from a little sidetrip to Orlando-- man, what a great time! Hanging with Leah, Chris, and Ayan was so fun! I needed the relaxation.

I got there Friday afternoon, and Leah, Ayan, and I went straight to Tampa to play basketball with Chris. I hadn't played forever, and actually, I wasn't that bad. I made lots of shots, up until I got tired and did not care after that. All the time I was thinking "what would Tim Duncan do?" ^_^

The next day, Leah's family and I went to the flea market. I got a nifty (yet overpriced) bracelet for my lola. My lola believes in that magnets treat arthritis, so she tapes magnets to her wrists. She's so funny. Anyway, the bracelet I got her has magnets in it for her arthritis. One of the vendors said that I looked rich, and he thought the gucci purse was real! what a great compliment ^_^

Then, Leah, Ayan, and I went to Tampa (again). I wrote some of my paper in Chris' place, and then we watched Pirates of the Caribbean and ate pizza. What a wonderful movie! What delicious pizza!

Sunday morning, I went to the Iglesia ni Cristo church and Tito Angel gave a stirring tirade on the pagan rituals of Catholicism. How lovely... Is it just me, or do I sense that all the sermons there seem to be about absolute contrition

Chris came over to orlando, so I finally got to chill with him a bit and got to know him better. He seems to be a really nice guy. Although, I think he and Leah got into that relationship a bit too quickly and a bit too seriously. But, who knows-- it might just work out! For Leah's sake, I hope it does.

Anyway, driving has been scary the past few days for this reason: I can't find my driver's license! I've been driving illegally for the past week now, I guess. I have been looking for it today, but it's not in my purse or anywhere else. Thank God I haven't been caught! Speaking of which, I really need to go to church and confess before Christmas. You know, one of those heathen practices that Catholics do-- that, along with eating flesh and drinking blood and praying to dead people.

I LOVE CALCULUS! I LOVE DR. PARK!!

I made a B in calculus-- just barely! I came to class, and he showed each person how many points they received and their grade for the semester. I received a 320, exactly, out of 400. If you're too lazy to do calculations, I have it for you: 80% Now, I have heavy doubts as to whether I actually made the 320 on my own or not, because a 320 is just too coincidental to be real. In calculating my own grades for the semester before I took my last test, I knew I had absolutely no chance of making a B-- even if I were to make a 100 on the last test. And, my grade was hanging in between a C and D. I made a 99 on the test (!!!!), and I received one extra credit point for guessing his age correctly (40). SO, I would have still made a C.

An additional note: I had a resume due today for Dr. Leary (he is the sweetest man you could ever meet). I thought I had my resume on file with me new computer or in one of my disks, but it turns out that I don't. I could have typed it up yesterday, but instead I watched Devin and Michael shoot arrows at a wheat thins box in the middle of the night (Don't ask).

So, I took my lazy butt over to his office and asked if the resume was due today. He said yes, but, he also said that if it was an inconvenience for me to turn it in today, I could just turn it in tomorrow. I'm telling you, this man is so sweet that he won't tell people to shut up in class when they're talking during someone's lecture.

The moral of this blog: Visiting your Teacher during his office hours truly garners you pity points when it really matters.

I'd like to scream and shout from the top of my lungs "I HATE PARTIAL DERIVATIVES!!!"

I ended up being late for the presentation, which ultimately turned out well anyway. But, i was so late. I woke up late, I couldn't find my ID to catch the bus, and I turned my room upside down searching and searching.... no luck. I went straight to class without finding the ID, and I had to pay fifty cents to get on the bus.

I found my ID later in my jacket pocket.

I showed up late to the calc test, which turned out to be easy. But then again, I thought it was easy last time. Wouldn't it be great if I just bombed it again. But, the best relief for me is that I don't have to do a single calculus equation ever again. That is, until next summer when I'll be taking differential equations.

I showed up late to the hospital, where Dr. Ditto and some other people were getting started with their cardiac imaging. That was the most awesome thing! There was this pig's heart that they recently extracted (from a live pig). It was packed in ice and everything. When they thawed it out and started nourishing it, it was beating! the pig's heart was beating on the table!! Then they hooked up these electrodes to it and made it do all sorts of tricks. Afterwards, they let me play with the heart and cut it up and everything. I was just like a little kid playing with a new toy.

"2, 3, 4..." I don't have to count for the dance presentation tomorrow! "2, 3, 4..." but I have to clap the beats. "2, 3, 4..." My hands are hurting so much. =(

I miss Mr. Duckshoes

A thought just occurred to me: Mr. Webb died on the 3rd of December, a year before last. December 3, 2001. I think it was early Monday or Tuesday morning. It was Tuesday morning, according to my calendar. He was in his early fifties, I think, and he died of a heart attack on our yearly field trip to Disney World. The last thing I remmber him saying to me was, "Carmen, where are you?" Carmen was his nickname for me-- like Carmen San Diego. My mom, who was chaperoning, brought two walkie-talkies with her, and I had the other. Some other girls and I were hiding around the corner, and it was supposed to be time to leave.

Actually, the last thing I remember him saying was how proud he was of our performance, and how well we behaved and knew our parts. And, he was so looking forward to spending time in Disney World the next day. We had performed that night at Epcot for their annual Candlelight Processional. We spent all the semester practicing those songs too. He hardly ever gave compliments, so everyone was so happy when they heard it.

I miss him so much-- words escape me right now. I can't believe I forgot the anniversary of his death. He was the best teacher, to me. He was just so wonderful, and he shouldn't have died so young. He was strict and he would drive us to the limit, but in the end we sang so beautifully. He was able to hear how we could sound at our best, and he believed we were the best. He really held our choir together, and since his passing, the PHS choir has never been the same. He truly was the heart and soul of that department, and PHS never felt the same to me after that.

hindi ko maitindihan (I don't understand)

I have a new guilty pleasure: Tagalog rap. It is the most amusingly annoying thing I've ever heard before. Imagine a FOB rapping like some black thug, and that's exactly how it sounds. And, the more I listen to it, the more and more I love it! Just can't get enough. The worst thing is when it gets stuck in my head. I don't understand Tagalog, so it's so other than remembering a few phrases (mostly intermingled with English), I could not repeat any of it.

I need to learn Tagalog badly. I was talking with Yu-Pei, and she was chastising me on not learning Tagalog. She was saying, "you need to learn the language. Why didn't you want to learn?"

Darn parents and their wanting me and my sis to be as American as possible. Yet, they still want me to follow rules that their parents imposed on them (ie, no dating or foolring around with boys until married). I was raised in one of the most confusing situations possible.

Okay, my astrocenter.com horoscope is worrying me:

It will be as though you're in a new and hopeful world today, dear Scorpio. The people you meet will be cordial and caring, and the future will seem like a bright, attractive place to live. In other words, it's like a fabulous dream, and the alarm clock is bound to wake you up soon. True, the glorious feeling won't last long, so take advantage of the day ahead. Reality is sweet at times.

The hopeful part probably refers to my research appointment at 10:45. The alarm clock, I fear, is my calculus/physics exam or final grade. OH NO.

But wait! I just looked at my astrology.net horoscope, and it uncannily corresponds with the other one:

You don't have to experience bad luck to hear the wake-up call. If anything, you're lucky that fate missed you and dumped its load on someone else. But you see what could have happened. You might be starting to realize that others aren't as reliable as you hoped. Of course, no human is an island, and you still need people. So until you're truly prepared to go off on your own, be more cautious about the allies you choose this time. As you move from one event to the next, try to look at things from a different side

So, the alarm could NOT be a bad exam grade, but something bad is going to happen nevertheless, and probably to someone I know.

I should really stop taking horoscopes seriously.

a ranting

What's the deal with people and online journals? Just perusing through some random ones, and some people just don't deserve the privilege. EsPeCiAlLy If YoU TyPe LyKe DiS AlL tHe TiMe!! And, what's with people intentionally misspelling words? Do you really want people to think you can't spell simple words? Did a horse teach you how to spell? I just don't understand the appeal in it. It seems to take up more time to misspell or type in alternating caps rather than to type simply and correctly the first time. People doing that sort of thing must be truly bored and have nothing better to do. I guess my real distaste in that sort of thing is that I believe the words one uses reflects his thoughts and intelligence. In other words, you do not sound intelligent or serious when yoU r TrYiN 2 gEt YouR mEsSaGe AcRoSs TyPiN lyKe A DuMbAzZ!

Life is finally moving forward-- and I'm moving along with it!

I finally emailed that Biomed engineering professor about getting together and doing research and such, and he was just so nice! And, you know, i probably would not have emailed him if it hadn't been for my horoscope:

Speak your mind clearly, dear Scorpio. Other people aren't mind readers the way you are. If you keep waiting around for someone else to figure out what you are thinking, you may be dead before the truth is ever brought out into the open. Give people a break and let them know what is going on inside your head. Communication is extremely important, and today it begins with you, so feel free to take the first step toward opening up the door.

So, tomorrow I have the major calculus test and major bio engineering design project to do. I'm scared about the test, considering i hadn't studied more than one section. It's 1 am right now.... oh crap. If i have 4 sections more, and an hour spent per section... i'll be done by 4am. exam is at 9:35. Perhaps, I can sleep for 3 hours after studying, or just not sleep at all.

Okay, so before I go burning midnight oil, I just wanted to include one more teeny thing: NO MORE DR. CHAU'S BORING DESIGN CLASS!!! HOORAY!!

okay, that's all.

Outlook: not happy

I feel like I hadn't posted in forever, but it has only been two days. Actually, I haven't posted a real in-depth blog in a while. So much has happened thought, and the past few blogs are not at all reflective of anything pertinent in my life right now.

So, here's the truth:

I am dead tired from doing calculus homework from 11 am to 3 am-- that is 15 or so hours of calculus. However, I am officially caught up with calculus, so that's good.

I am so behind with both bio engineering classes. I have two papers yet to be written, a currently nonexistent resume that needs to be turned in by next Wednesday at 5 pm, and a powerpoint presentation. Let's add to that all the research I have to do for these things, and that's my entire weekend.

Morbid thoughts have just been filling my head lately. The most recent of them being the thought of my lola's death. I am just so worried right now for her. She went to the doctor because she had chest pains and fatigue. The doctor found nothing wrong, but these are undoubtedly precursors to a heart attack. Even though I was dead tired last night, I could not sleep because I was just all wrapped up in the thought of my Lola. At first, I prayed to God that He eases her pain and suffering, and I even know that her soul will be so much happier once she goes to heaven. Then, I started imagining life without her, being unable to hug her again or tell her jokes, or watch the happiness that fills her face when i sing or play the piano for her, and I started crying. Even now, typing all this, tears are streaming down my cheeks. Amidst my tears, I found myself pleading with God to keep her here at least ten more years. I want her to see me graduate and get married, and I want her to see her great-grandchildren.

I know it's selfish for me to ask this, but I can't help it. I wish we had the security of living forever, because I then wouldn't have to worry about the possibility of losing the people I love. And, I don't know that I can be assured where they go from death. I don't even know where I'd be headed. And, I want so much to believe that there will be a happy reunion in heaven when everything is over, but the thought of death itself is scary. Death takes you away from everyone and everything you know and are used to. Death leaves you without a future or free will, and you, and you're forever confined to what people remember of you. Why does fate have to be so uncompromising?

Right now I want someone to tell me that my Lola will be okay. I want someone to assure to me that I will see her next year.

Please, let's just get along!

Tonight we had a dance meeting at the Florida Gym. Tonight must have been "hate the music group" night, because I certainly felt it. The choreographers... well, let's just say that they think they're running everything, and I'm sick and tired of everyone being at odds with each other. Everyone has the common goal of getting this to work, so why are we all at each other's throats?

God answers prayers, He truly does. Today I find out that there is major Extra credit opportunities in Calculus. =) The only thing is now I gotta do so much homework. I might even make a B, if I try really really hard, so I'm happy about that. (High school Amanda would not approve of this, but what does she know?)

A guest speaker came for Biomed Engineering. That was the best lecturer Dr. Leary had brought in. That and the one who talked about Packaging. I am considering doing Biomed Engineering masters/PhD now, seriously. And, the guy who came in specialized in cardiac engineering, which is the total ideal for me. How exciting ^_^ So, just a fill in on my future plans insofar:

I'll graduate from UF with a Biological Engineering Bachelors and a Biomechanics Minor
From there I'll either go to med school or go for a masters in Biomed Engineering (depending on whether I get accepted to med school or not). And, if I want to, I'll still apply for med school after i get my biomed eng. masters. But, I also could go for a MPhD, which is like a medical doctorate.