I've got so much going on, Obama can outsource Stimulus packages to me.

I am so in over my head with things, I decided to delineate and vent. It seems that these days, lists help organize ideas. Literally, to do lists are my lifesavers. That and mini chocolate bars, but I digress.

1. WORK--> I've become an inadvertant workaholic, but not a true workaholic considering I don't do much work after work. However, I spend countless hours there, and I feel like I never do enough for it. Thanks to the fiance, who is a true workaholic. The darned reason I feel like not enough is done because I spend the majority of my work time being repetetively teaching the same lesson to different students with only one hour of productivity. Meanwhile, the time I spend teaching is also spent geting on to children to be productive and not waste time.

2. Wedding--> 4 months away..... still need to hunt down current addresses (outsourced to the sister), plan a honeymoon with a fiance who's dragging his heels on non-family wedding-related things, write a wedding program, rent a limo, get a hair/makeup guru that will enhance my natural beauty (or at least paint natural beauty on for me to last a 8 hours), meet with a caterer, get a honeymoon suite, figure out giveaways and oots (out-of-towner baggies), seating arrangements, coordinate dance lessons; I don't even want to think of what more needs to be done.

3. Money schemes--> I'm a coupon-cutting guinea pig in a contact lense study who also moonlights as a waitress. Lame. I'd love to make a spreadsheet on how much extra I'm making on this, but again, takes time. My next ideas for $$ are investments include toxic assets and playing the lotto.

5. Fiance--> I'm praying that he does not read this, because I'm going to just let all those pent-up frustrations spew forth as a deluge upon this blog. Where to begin? Here's his career in a nutshell: hotly pursued as an interviewee->puts in overtime with feelings of something to prove->gets noticed by all the right people->one of the most decorated rookies in recent time in his company->golfing tournaments-> doesn't pass the FE->reapplies for FE, works super hard, neglects studying-> doesn't pass again->lands big multimillion dollar client, works harder->feels neglected by superiors->doesn't pass again->having difficulty getting progress in his project->Questioning career path, discontent. It's hard to hear his complaints about working while I'm doing all this work as well. Chalk it up for personality differences. He's a feeler and extrovert, and I'm a thinker and introvert. He blames it on this, and I say he needs to change his outlook. Outlook is a choice, is it not? Can you not say, "You know what, things are bad, but here are some good things" a la Julie Andrews, circa Sound of Music?? No, I'm not enough for that, and I'm seeing more and more that I give tough love and don't show that much pity. IE, I'm becoming more of my mother. Whooooooooaaaaa.............


I cannot believe I just admitted that.

Enter his mother. She came in one weekend to comfort him. I felt a bit of a conflict in the way she does things-- overspends on items, cooks and packs the fridge to max capacity, tells him he can find a job somewhere else and to do what makes him happy. Sure, he can do what makes him happy, but we're getting married and have to pay that off. We need to be fiscally responsible and save. We're gonna have kids one day that'll be going to college. She seems concerned, and I tell her, "Yanni needs to change the way he responds to these problems, or else no matter where he goes and what he does, he'll have the same issues." Does anyone take this seriously? no. It's no wonder that he reacts this way, because his mother enables him to complain and drop it when things get tough. "Do what makes you happy." That's what poor people say to themselves to justify having the low-paying job, because usually the job is not as taxing. And NOW I've officially turned into my mom. I've never correlated job to happiness before-- I don't know why, it's just not how I was brought up.

He seems aimless now about wedding planning, about job. He used to have a plan of getting an MBA, and that has stalled because of that damned test. He is happy to have me, but I just feel like he's demanding more out of me. There used to be a time where I felt like I had to prove myself to him and I wanted to do it. Now, I feel like he wants me to put him and his needs before all my ideas, ventures, etc. I feel like I'm taking backseat in my life.




Then again, what do I want out of life? That should be the title of my next blog.