some morning insight

I still can't believe the attentions I'm receiving now. It's just such a different situation from a year ago, I couldn't really compare. Was it the 15-pounds shed, or the 12-inches of hair chopped off, or the DTJ performance, or... as Lavell or Brigette would put it, I went wild?

I read my posts from a year ago, and I would think the year-younger me would be doing these things under the same circumstances. I don't think my persona has changed that much, other than I have become more active socially (and i think that this activity is inversely proportional to my academic activity). But, I must admit I'm overcoming my shyness, with a little help from some really nice people whose attentions to me are a mystery yet very much appreciated. Speaking of which, I should make them all christmas cards. =)

Slowly but surely I'll get to the point where I'm confident enough in myself... but I won't worry about it the rest of the year. I'll make that a resolution for next year.

But getting back to the initial question. I wouldn't say I went wild, because I do hold the same morals and virtues as I did a year ago, excepting that I am less gaurded about the amount of alcohol I consume in the context of location and company. But I still won't go crazy drunk or anything. I never believed in prohibiting alcohol, just in conscious monitoring of intake. Other people will get stinking drunk and make fools of themselves.

Now that I think of it, the biggest change in me has been my ability to open up to people and to allow myself to be vulnerable. I have always been trusting of people's nature, but not so much of their intentions with me. Maybe I can handle it better now if they do let me down, because I have experienced it already and know that I can cope, forgive, and forget. And, I'm very happy with the people I have been able to put trust in thus far. Without them, I don't think I could be so optimistic.