It took me an hour or so to do my 9 physics homework problems, and now I just finished.

What am I going to do tonight?? I don't know where my friends are =(

I went to physics and made my first hundred on a quiz! The physics grade is salvageable yet! That was the only class that day b/c my teacher canceled bio design class. I went to volunteering for about an hour, and then i left because they had me doing nothing. I think I need to really promote myself out there, but I'm just not feeling it. Eh... Once I volunteer in the Operating Room it'll be better.

So, it turns out that the student tix for Miss Satgino were all sold out, so Mary and I dropped our plans altogether of seeing that. Then, Mary and I stood in line for 2 hours for a free tarot card reading. She left before I got there. I was the last person to be read before she left. These are the following things she told me

1. I have a friend in the distance who used to be close to me in the past.
2. In the upcoming months I'm going to meet someone (an Aquarius) who is not as mature as i first perceive him to be, but then he and i end up being "playmates," and he teaches me how to play...
3. I will attain all my goals, but there will be a slight delay
4. The father of the person mentioned in #2 will somehow help me out of the delay mentioned in number #3
5. a big change that'll happen in the upcoming months will not be as exciting as i expect it to be, but it'll still be okay.

So, isn't that interestingly vague? I mean, now that I think about it, that friend in #1 could have been anyone--Sara, Leah, Kristine, Ryan... I associated it to Lavell already. She said that he'd only learn his lesson if it affected his pocketbook.
#2 was kinda different. I mean, sure, in college you meet tons of people who seem immature and stuff. She said my dad was strict about relationships, which she can say really about any Asian parent. But, now I gotta find out whether Andy is an Aquarius or not =P
In #3, I thought it was reassuring to hear, although that little delay is kinda weird. I'm thinking future American Idol contestant?? haha, that'd be great.
I thought it was weird how she tied in #2 and #3 together like that. the "playmate's" father?? Very weird.
#5 She said a big event. I started listing off some stuff, and she said it was probably me and brigette moving in together. I can see that happening with me. Bleh =P

I think, it's all in the presentation of the cards and reading them and interpreting them . It can mean anything really, but she was being vague enough, and i was just filling in the blanks for her. But, it really was a great experience. I liked how all the cards just came out like they belonged there.

At the time, I thought it was so funny and weird. Two hours-- it was worth the wait. However, I got no Calculus homework done =( I however have the answers to all the physics problems (in more ways than one)! yay!! Physics grade is definitely looking promising, thanks to Layla. She is going to tutor me while I give her piano lessons.

Layla and I went to Don Pablo's-- cute waiter, good food. I stole their salsa, and afterwards when i was walking out with my to go box, this poor guy on the sidewalk asked us for some change. I gave him some food. I'm like the Robin Hood of Tex-Mex dining, hahaha. ^_^

Layla and I chilled for a while at the dorm, and then Mary came by. Mary and Layla really hit it off, and by the end of the night they were talking about living together! That had both me and Brigette tripped up! I don't know how that'll work out, but I hope everyone ends up happy.

Layla did this card trick on relationships. It is so cool, and now I know it! haha... I gotta try it on other ppl. She tried me and Lavell, and yeah, it said it was the worst pairing possible.

Lesson learned today: Only you predict your life, but I wonder who the Aquarian playmate is...

Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and there was a lovely breeze. It's the perfect day to go frolicking in a field, but i was stuck in the non-airconditioned classroom. Like, today would be the ideal day to have a bomb threat, if this were back in my high school where we had bomb threats twice a day. Most of the time we had bomb threats in sweltering 90 degree weather. High school memories.... what a joy.

When I got back to the dorm, I decided to wash the dishes in the sink. Mind you, half the dishes were already washed, but my roommates (or atleast one of them) does not wash it as thoroughly as I'd like. In other words, there were still food particles stuck on the "washed" dishes. Needless to say, I washed and rewashed. I hate how I'm the only one who really cares about the maintenance of the kitchen. I've been doin too much cleaning the last few days, and I still have more to do. Gotta impress the 'rents.

Melissa's 40th day is today. Tita Grace is holding a prayer thing tonight. I still cannot believe all of it. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it. I truly hope they are okay, but I know they are far from it right now.

i found out that i can get my PDA shipped to the manufacturer, and they'll give me a new one-- at a cost of $25. That sounds pretty good to me right now. I'll tell my parents there's some sort of problem with the touch sensor of the screen... not that it cracked after i dropped it.

You know, when you're faced with expulsion, you tend to look at things quite differently. Today came that very situation in my physics lab. In the study area, of all places. After I got finished with the TA and understood all the problems, I saw Tyler (really cute but skinny). I went over to him and started telling him how to do the homework, and I was showing him what the TA had just explained to me. Afterwards, he was doing the hw on his own, but I left the paper in plain view. Ray, some fat old white guy I had never before met in my life, comes up behind the two of us and is like "I can expell you two for that" and he went off about the code in the book. I was o shocked, and I was ready to cry. That scared me so badly, and i didn't know how to react. All i knew was that i shouldn't open my mouth, so other than saying "I wasjust explaining it to him and i left it out there", I said a whole lot of sorries and that was it. Ray is a major jerk that wants to make my life a living hell. The solutions were on the board, and the TA had his solutions out for me and three other girls to see. And he wants to make an example out of me. Can you believe that?! But really, I'm just thanking God right now that I wsn't expelled.

So, the highlight of my day was the Spurs game. It was too great. The Spurs did a major seventeen point comeback and won by one point. ^_^ Sux to be a suns fan right now. I don't know what to think about the players they have this year. Carter is iffy to me, but then again he shot the winning point. I just hope that they win again. And again, and again.

oh my god... oh my god oh my god. The screen on my PDA is cracked!!! What am I going to do?!?!? Oh my god. This can't be happening. My parents are going to kill me. It still works, but it's cracked! oh my god. I'm going to die.

what is it with me and my gadgets? My booklight died, my cell phone is dying, and my PDA is in critical condition. What next? my digital cam? my computer? NOooo!!!!!

I forgot to mention-- i just found out one of my best friends in SA has a boyfriend on the down low and she is making out with him like mad. How come I don't have one yet?!?!?!?!

dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: yo0 dont have a man yet???
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: yo0 should
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: yo0re possibly hott ta other guys
amy d pinay: possibly
amy d pinay: am i not hot to you??
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: (i cant say yo0re hott cause that would be to0 weird)
amy d pinay: lol
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: that would be like saying kristine is hot
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: SICKKKKKKK
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: but take jon fer example
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: hahahahaha
dAt BoI gZeR0MiE: he thinks yo0re hott

Jerome is too funny. Kristine is having fun. Jon has exquisite taste. ^.~

Jacksonville was awesome! I love my cousins, but I'm allergic to their house.

Mambo was scary today. I danced with Andy again, and Caserta called me out. He was definitely jerking me around and making me feel like an idiot. Spinning spinning... empty stomach... lightheaded... I was about to faint. And not the good kind of swooning faint-- no, it was the about to pass out faint. Too much homosexual frustration on his part probably put him in his pissy mood. Or maybe he didn't get some from his girlfriend? Seeing the way he moves his hand around (flapping it back and forth) is not reassuring to his masculinity, although he claims to be straight. Hmmm...

Anyway, I've definitely neglected my boyfriend (aka calculus) so I gotta go.

Worst News: I made a 56 in my calc test. A 56!!!!! Omg. I'm going to die. I'm just going to die now. I am so shamed. I made a 2/8 in my physics test, a 56 on my calc test, and a B on my openbook bio engineering test!!! OPEN BOOK! I am the worst test taker in the world, that is the only explanation for it. Dire situations right now. Very Bad.

Better News: I had a smoothie today called Orange Aruba. It was very good, although I had better. 7/10.
Apartment Finders hosted this Apartment fair today on the Reitz lawn. It was great. Got so much info. I look forward to rooming w/ Brigette next year! ^_^
Today I learned the Mambo. it was great-- so much fun.

Best News: My teacher canceled calc on friday, so no class! Furthermore, he gave us a take home quiz to do which will be like 20 points! that raises my 56 to a 76.... so my grade is salvageable! Dr. Park, you are the best! And, because I have no class on Friday, I'll be travelling to Jax on Thursday afternoon! I'm looking forward to a great weekend.

Yesterday, the guy across the hall whom I never met was kind enough to lend me his tennis racket and balls!

Tennis was fun, but I don't feel like I got a workout from it. I'm not achy like I should be. Kari, however, got really good at serving and returning. Now all she needs to work on is returning it without letting the ball bounce twice. I envy her long legs.

I went to a different church today. I was kinda let down by the homily and the music was a bit over the top, but it was a wonderful site. The church was just so big and a modern architecture design, but still with the same awe-inspring feel that makes you feel all warm and safe. I think it's great to find two churches like that within a small city like Gainesville. The thing about the homily-- it basically talked about money and tithing... I was expecting some exclusive Catholic news regarding the Pope or the beatification of Mother Teresa at least. Nope-- they talked about money. I guess we see the priority of things then.

Anyway, I'm finally getting around to doing homework. I went crazy for about 30 minutes with the new febreze allergen control that I bought. Hopefully I'll stop sneezing.

I'm a nationally recognized smarty pants

The induction ceremony went well. I scoped out the place-- not many cute guys or asians. In otherwords, not my type of club! J/K =P It seems really nice, and I look forward to being a part of that group. Also, three girls from my high school are a part of it. Granted, I never knew them, but at least we can start from that common bond.

Gators won, just barely. Oh well, wins are wins, and we should take it for what it is. hopefully, we win the rest of the season and get back to the top 25. I don't want to be affiliated with no loser team!

I emailed the family for the first time... put the yahoo group to use. I love my family ^_^

I'll be playing tennis w/ Kari in an hour. At first we were going to go out and party together, but now she's not in the party mood, and there are no parties this weekend anyway. Hopefully I burn off this arm fat... and leg fat and butt fat and tummy fat and hip fat. Okay, I should do calc now for an hour before playing tennis, so I get something done.

word of the day:
pedant- one who shows off learning

I hope today is a good day. I have induction into the National Society of Collegiate scholars. Yes~ I'll be a nationally recognized smart person!

My family is in Tennessee right now for my second cousin's wedding. It's supposed to be a double ceremony-- one Hindu and one Catholic (My cousin's half and half, and her parents are millionaires). I wanted to go, but my dad already spent too mcu on me with that plane ticket to Chicago. My dad offered me a plane ticket this weekend, and I told him I would never step on a plane for as long as I lived.

I just made a connection--There was something going on yesterday wherein some people snuck in some boxcutters, bleach, and clay things inside a few planes. It was found by officials later on, and it had a note attached to it that read "Security is not as tight as it should be" or something to that effect. That is scary that these people were able to pull it off. And, imagine if it were terrorists who managed to sneak these things by and use them in the planes.

The test was not too bad! I anticipate getting no worse than a 70. My standards have drastically lowered since coming to college...

I have just done my nails, a la french manicure. it's so hard to get the white part to be one straight line, but it looks so pretty now. Anyway, you only notice the imperfections if you set out to look for them. I'm still talking about nails, but this can be applied to everything else.

The rest of friday will be devoted to laundry, cleaning, and calling some friend up to hang out with this weekend.

I haven't studied too much for the calc test that's in 6 hours (to be exact), and I can't believe I'm still awake. Also, I'm not sleepy. I was watching Scent of a Woman, with Al Pacino and Chris O'Donnell. That was such a good movie.

I have 6 hours, so I think I'll study for about another hour, sleep until 7 am, and then shower and study again. I can already tell that today is not going to be pretty.

I had this dream that i was trying to catch all these frogs, and they were all jumping everywhere. I think that I was trying to take care of them all at once, and some of them let me pick them up, and for others I had the hardest time trying to catch them without squishing them. ::No frogs were harmed in this dream, so get of my back, PETA:: I just wanted to know what it meant so I just looked it up online (it's amazing what you can find these days), and voila!

Frog (Dreammoods.com)
To see a frog in your dream, represents a potential to change or to do the unexpected. The frog may be a prince in disguise. Alternatively, the frog may suggest uncleanness.

To see frogs leaping in your dream, may indicate your lack of commitment. You have the tendency to jump from one thing to another. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are taking major steps toward some goal.

To dream that you are catching a frog, signifies your carelessness concerning your health.

Too amazing to be coincidence:
1) I'm having an issue right now with my roommates not cleaning up after themselves
2) This past weekend I planned the next three years of courses in my major
3) I haven't been really eating correctly the past couple of weeks, just because i don't have the time (i'm not anorexic like my roommates think i am). At one point I had a soda and poptarts for breakfast. It's depressing to think about that. Anyway, I've been eating three meals the last couple of days. I hope this keeps up! I like eating, just not being fat. ^_^
4)I'm hoping there's a prince charming somewhere in the midst of it. I mean, there were a ton of frogs in my dream, after all...

Anyway, moving on: I definitely have to rent east of eden this weekend. James Dean is in it, and I read the book like two years ago and was totally blown away. And, David Letterman was talking about how good it was tonight.

They are doing some sort of construction in lakeside (my dorm), and it smells just like the rodeo came in. You know... that fresh cow manure smell. Coming from San Antonio, you learn to make such associations.

Anyway, smelling it made me happy. Not that I'm some sort of copromaniac or something, but just remembering the times when i was young and i went to the rodeo with my family. It was always crowded and it stunk like the world was coming to an end, but I always looked forward to it each year in the spring time. I'd be eating the churros and corndogs and whatever else they had there. They had armadillo races-- great entertainment. They also had great rides. There were so many different things, like bull fights and clowns and horse petting. Reba McIntyre also came, and she sang. That was my first concert ever. Good times. ^_^

Nothing fun like that comes to Florida =(

I FAILED a physics test. I got a 2 out of 8. =( So sad... however! I am not dropping the class, I'm gonna stick with it. I think I can still pull of a B in the class, as long as I do my homework and quizzes, and if I study like mad for the third test and the final, so not bad! Mind you, the curve for an A will probably be 70-100. Yes, isn't that fantastic news?
Okay, now I should study for my calc test on friday.

International Standard dances: Foxtrot, Waltz, Tango, Vienese waltz, Quickstep
"Forget What The Veteran Queer said."

On the issue of a nation "under God"
How can a half-second phrase spark months of debate?

I'm Catholic. I believe in God, and I believe in Jesus. I also believe that the separation of church and state is core to our country's foundations. This government should be free of any church in order to service everyone equally. The one thing uniting all of us, if nothing else, is that we live in America. America's principles lie in the basis that everyone is created equally, and it is the duty of the government to be equally there for each and every American.
Those who compare our current situation to what's always been, or what was fifty years or a hundred years or two centuries ago are misguided. This is not the same country it was twenty years ago, even. We are ever changing and growing. Many things that were appropriate back then are certainly not appropriate now. Slavery, child labor, racism, classism, sexism: these were all appropriate back in the day. Of course, God is incomparable to such appaling subjects, but think of the average American today. This person could be black, white, hispanic, asian, gay, straight, muslim, jewish, wiccan, buddhist. We are a nation of so many cultures. It is unconstitutional that any of these Americans be disenfranchised. And trust me, these two words can make one feel a foreigner, even though he or she lived in America for his or her entire life. These words "under God" mean an affiliation to a certain god-- the God. It means that our nation is not governed by us, but under God. Of course that's comforting to a Christian, but what about to those who don't believe in God? What are they to think if they don't believe in God while our pledge clearly states that we are a nation under God? Are they not a part of the nation as well? Christians may answer "of course", but would you truly feel like a part of something if it is under something you don't believe in? These people are no less Americans, but it seems as if we treat them as such. No person should feel like a foreigner in his or her own homeland just because he or she is not a part of the majority.
Our country's ideals are of acceptance and equality among all, so we as citizens of this country should support that. It is a hard reality to face, but once we as a people overcome it, we are the better for it.

And for those of you who think that this is one more step in our society becoming godless, this is far from the truth. Morality is a virtue, not a part of religion. The government's dissasociating itself from the Christian God is not what it seems to be. This is not showing disrespect to God; this is showing respect to the people. I wouldn't think that God needs to be justified by half-hearted affirmations by a bunch of grade school students each morning. If you believe otherwise, then you believe that God is frivolous. God does not need his name in the pledge of allegiance. Where He is needed is in our hearts and our thoughts and actions.

I do believe now that I was cursed by a email chain letter. I just finished reading it, and I was thinking what a load of bull and I was going to delete it. But! What if the reason for my nonexistent love life is because I kept deleting those messages?!

Ah well, I deleted the email anyway. I can't stand those things

Danced with three guys. Not the greatest dancers, but good enough. Mr. Caserta was being a Nazi today. If someone did one little thing out of line, they wre immediately asked to leave. Although it is ultimately a good thing for the class, it was awful. Really scary.

Calculus! The teacher basically apologized for giving such a difficult test, and he's making up another test for up to take on Friday. ^_^ I have never been so happy to take a test in my life!

Physics test was harsh.

It was raining so hard today. Foolish me forgot to bring the umbrella. Got wet. Thanks to Jessica, however, half of me was dry.

Plan of the day

So, someone tell me where my mind went, and why I didn't study for physics like I was supposed to.
So, here's the thing: go to the reitz and get my new ID; study; eat (?); calculus-- find out my failing grade; ag &bio engineering mid term (open notes!); physics (Formula sheet!); Social dance = dance w/ hot frat boys and atheletes (!); ag & bio lab-- dance w/ more hot frat boys and atheletes (i wish); use ID card to get on bus and go home. Ain't mondays grand??

As of now I'm getting ready for my ID pic, and I'm jamming to Josh Groban like some over-forty, post-menopausal, soap opera-watching, overly-emotional divorcee who believes that she has a chance at being the mother of Josh Groban's babies. what a terrible picture that paints.

Just cooked myself some Spam and eggs, and then I made some Milo for myself. YUMMY! And, I have solved most of my physics questions so far. I am the Physics genius! I hope I didn't just jinx myself.

I woke up late. I barely reviewed all the chapters like i was supposed to. When someone from the second period class came out, and said "I'm dropping this class. I blanked out in the test," I should have foreseen the things to come.

I will be happy if I get above a 50%

It was horrible. I find myself cursing more frequently.... not cursing per se, just finding it easier to curse. Before I had to make an effort to say a curseword and even then it would sound wrong coming from me. So, all the stress has been so negative. That is a bad thing, especially for me. I don't want to curse and hav a filthy mouth that is unfit to pray to God. I think I'm kind of unworthy as it is, but especially if I curse, that is definitely bad. After watching All my Children, I'm definitely praying the rosary. THen I'll take a shower, and go to Big Lots. I hope Big Lots will be nice.

I forgot to mention>> I was walking back to Lakeside from the Reitz Union, which is a good mile in distance, and thankfully Shane saw me walking along and offered a ride. ^_^

Allyanahis spending the night, and Johnae blew up the air mattress w/ her blow drier. haha, it's the ghettofied air pump, but it works!

Today was Grace's b-day. Totally forgot!! what a horrible person I am. I was even ignoring her when she was knocking on the door. I'll try to answer the door from now on, even if Brigette's kinda annoyed. She stood up for me against Will. How sweet of her. ^_^

A short story, by Amanda Diego

There was a knock on the door. our heroine, dressed in her PJs and in a slightly foul mood from doing calculus, opens the door. On the other side is the boy who lives across the pod from her. He steps inside and asks for a cup of juice. He's mixing drinks, he says.
She goes to her roommate's fridge to get juice and returns with the carton. He asks who plays the keyboard. She replies that she does. He also plays, he tells her. He leaves.
He comes back less than ten minutes later asking for another cup of juice. He looks over at the keyboard again and notices the Chopin book. He says he plays Motzart. He proceeds to play for her the Fantasy in D Minor. Although slightly inebriated, he plays with agile fingers. She is thoroughly impressed, for she had not heard someone else play a classical piece for her yet in UF.
He is thankful for the refill on the juice, and he asks her what she's doing tonight. She says she is studying calculus 3 for a test the next day. He says He had already taken that course, along with differential equations. He was majoring in Aerospace Engineering, but switched to Financing.
Despite her inital judgement that because he was well-groomed and chic he was gay, she is now fostering a crush for the boy that lives across the pod from her.

I'm at Shands Hospital right now, and I'm supposed to be volunteering. Is it my fault that they don't need anything? At least I got some Bio Engineering Homework done.

I still got two hours left... I've been here since 11. I'm thinking of reading physics, but that just makes too much sense right now.

Maybe at 1pm I should disappear and watch All my children?? There's got to be a patient that loves soap operas on this unit.

Absolutely loved today... except the part where i worked on a problem for 3 hours and got nowhere on it. They warn you about these things in grade school, and I was shocked when I first heard about such problems. Now I hate it, because I feel that I put so much work in that I better solve it. Yeah, I still get nowhere.

I set my alarm for 6, and then I woke up, got back to sleep, woke up, got back to sleep, finally dragged myself out of bed around 7.
I got into trouble during calculus for looking at my newspaper. He put it in my backpack. ^_^ So funny.

Schwarzenneger is governor of Cali... isn't that just weird? Great for the Republicans, but I seriously think this is one of those signs that the world is coming to an end... or just going to a really low place. Who knows, I could be wrong. We'll see what happens.

Max gave me a free tall Mocha something or other. Yummy! It's the reason I'm up right now. That and my homework. I love friends who give me free stuff. Ahhh... I feel so loved.

I met up with Layla at lunch... and then I introduced Layla to Krystle. They got along well. ^_^ And, I ended up telling Krystle what went down w/ me and Lavell. I didn't want to, but Layla kinda blurted it out, so I had to explain.I don't want to bias Krystle, because I know she and Lavell are friends.

I'm just typing in random thoughts as I go. These events are obviously not in chrono- order.

I played tennis w/ Kari, which was a great workout! I'm so proud of myself for still knowing how to play, and I'm proud of Kari for getting better as the night went on.

Smallville was interesting... Just like a soap opera. Speaking of which, I should find out what happened in All My Children. Did Bianca tell her lover Lina that she's going to carry Michael's baby to term? Did Jack find out what Erica and David were doing on the night of Michael's murder? Will Kendall and Ryan ever hook up?? What's the deal w/ Juan Pablo and Carlos?

We'll see what happens.

Good night!

Today was a roller coaster, filled with ups and downs. It started with me going to Calculus. I saw Lavell there. I said good morning and was being my usual happy self, he mumbled a "hi" to me. Jessica had pink eye (poor thing). I was just trying to keep on track.

Then, I go to Ag&Bio Engineering class, which was about our course tracking for the next two years. I did a crossword puzzle the entire period. Oh, before class I bought a sprite and a packet of two poptarts. Breakfast... yum. I also had that during class. I think it's just so funny that they have those "no food or drink in classroom" and everyone totally disregards it.

In Physics, we learn about potential energy. I fell asleep. So, my potential energy increased since I was at rest, right??

In my social dance, we learned about the Rumba. That was a funny class. Gotta love Mr. Caserta, he's just too funny with his dance steps and his dancing boots. ^_^ I learned how to make a figure eight with my hips... oooh la la. And, I finally danced with a good dancer!! ahhhh... and he smelled delicious. Yum!

In my Ag and Bio engineering class we fooled around with GPS tracking systems. It was so much fun walking around in the heat! (No, not really.) The guest lecturer said that they're going to put GPS on cell phones by 2005. Isn't that kinda weird, that you can be followed at any position in the globe??? Ummm.... I don't know about that. Man, those cell phones are gonna be hecka expensive too.

I got home in time to take a shower and clear up some of my room. I met Mary today. She is such a nice girl. Lavell met her on the bus, and he recommended her to meet w/ me. After having ice cream, we went back to my dorm and chilled. She then told me what Lavell told her about me. That pissed me off. He basically said that I was anti-men, anti ppl, anti everything??

where the fuck does he get off telling a stranger everything about me... or as he put it, his perspective of me.

I've tried so hard to be his friend and be nice to him. Now, I've lost all respect. I'm not going to deal w/ that any longer, and I'm kinda relieved that I finally see his true character. Now I have control, and I know what to expect from him. My roommate Brigette says he's got feelings for me... I think that 's true now, the way everything seems. What is his fucking problem?? I really have to clear my head.

And, what exactly does he think of me? Obviously, what he told Mary must be the truth. I can't believe this.

Wednesday afternoon, I should confess. I wish I weren't so much of a hypocrite.

So, I don't think I'll be going to sleep any time soon, so I'm going to write about Sunday.

I didn't go to church... I should have.
I didn't do new calculus homework... I should have.
I didn't order the chicken crispers at Chili's... I should have.
I didn't keep my mouth shut when I chatted with lavell tonight... I should have.

Could this be a segue into my thoughts into Lavell? ... I think I should save that topic for last. I called my mom today. Again she rambled on, and I didn't pay attention. I will regret that later. I really don't like that she lectures me all the time about vitamins and how I should live my life, but then at times she gives a piece of info that is so shocking and makes listening worth while. Gotta love my mom for that. I guess that's where I get my gossiping nature from. hahahaa!!! That's the funniest thought I've had today.

I did physics homework, thank God. One of them was 2.5/3, so after trying 50-gazillion times on that homework, I decided that it was not worth it. So, I'm satisfied. But, I need to work my butt off for this test (and that's a lot of working!)

I took a nice little nap, and then I had dinner and a movie with kari. It was nice, very comfortable. Made the mistake of watching the Once Upon a Time in Mexico 3. OMG, really good movie, but it is the main reason for my insomnia. Goriest thing I'd ever seen. They certainly hold no bars on discretion. Yeah, gotta love special effects in movies these days.

I got home at 11:45. Or maybe it was 12:45. Anyway, it sux because I have a parking spot out in the wooded area, and now birds are gonna leave their presence all over my car. And I forgot to put up my windshield cover. Okay, gotta remember to do that.

Once i got to my room, I turned on my computer, and I started chatting w/ ppl. I might go kareoke-ing with Ricky on Friday. Fun fun fun! I'm hoping that he sings the thong song. ^_^ I'm going to play tennis with Kari on Tuesday and have dinner with her father that. yay! Absolutely love tennis. Nathan told me about his dream wedding-- Vegas, baybee, heck yah! Let's go! ^_^ He's a nice guy. Lavell gave a Viet girl my SN, so we got to chatting, and we're going out for ice cream Monday and to VSO on Thursday. We haven't even met yet. Isn't that funny?? She's seems nice, so we'll see what happens.

Now, Lavell-- he wonders why I am mean with him. I am mean with him, I'll admit. I just find it hard being nice to ppl who are not nice to me. Even Tony Hall, whom I didn't particularly like, I was nice to because he was nice to me! So, I guess it's how a person treats me. Lavell teases me, I've said that before. He asks me what about. I came back really good on that. I said "on how I live my life"... ooooh, that was good. At critical moments I work my best! Anyway, he wonders why I'm not so friendly with him, like why I never called him in high school.

If you tell someone your whole life's story, your point of view, and most everything about you, don't you expect them to sympathize and understand?? I expect this person to connect with me on a deeper level, and to really understand what I do, but he's pretty much as clueless as in high school. He was willing to listen... That's why he called a lot. I got in trouble so much with those phone calls, because my parents don't understand friendly chats with boys. Especially boys with deep voices. For a long time they suspected that I was even dating him. Ha, isn't that a laugh?? "No, ma. It's because of you and Pa that I'm racially biased when it comes to finding a potential mate..." I'd just love to tell them that some time.

Back to the phone calls, he wanted to know about me, and I poured out everything. What does he do? He teases me about things: why I don't let guys into my room, my obedience to my parents, , my loyalty as a friend, among other things. When someone stops being nice to me and starts with the bashing, I'm not at my most friendly, I must admit. Especially, I really wanted him to be my friend... That's why I endured it all! The suspicions from my family, my mother's gossiping to everyone that I'm dating a black guy. Yes, all my family suspects me to be the black sheep now. I do find it offensive that I would be associated with that. It's just that I'm not attracted to them! I'm not, I don't think I could ever be. I don't even find Tyrese attractive!!! Not even Denzel Washington! If that has not convinced you already. Maybe I'm ignorant, but I'm entitled to it. I think we all are. It's like spreading rumors that a sorority girl is going out with a trekkie. Would not you, in the sorority girl's position, be offended? I'm not against black ppl. They are good ppl. My roommmates are black! If I had problems with black ppl, I would certainly not be in UF.

Anyway, just this verbal abuse to me... it really hurts. And, I don't know how to express this pain i feel, because I can't really get someone to understand. Maybe I should call Leah or Sara, but they won't really help out either.

But, I know I've abused him too... all in retaliation. I making biting remarks, and I am sarcastic, and I don't take the time to visit him. I don't take time out of my busy schedule to be verbally abused, sorry. I turned cold to him. It's a defense mechanism-- I've noticed that in myself. I still don't really know how to act around guys... I'm still learning. But, if keeps treating me the way I feel he's treating me, I'm just going to give up on him. I won't keep on holding all this bitterness... I don't have the time nor the strength. I have my studies to pay attention to, I have so much more to give, that I can't afford to hold on to something like this. I wish I could keep him as one of those distanced friends, but he's in my classes and he knows a lot of my friends, so it won't be easy extricating him. Lavell truly brings out the worst in me, and I always regarded him as the person who knew me best. I guess not....

It's 3:20 now.... that leaves 4 hour for sleep. Hopefully I will get up tomorrow.

Oh my God! it's 2 AM! watching that stupid "once upon a time in mexico" movie has overloaded my brain with greusome stuff.... it wasn't that bad a movie, but it was way too much that i did not really need to see... whatever happened to everything looking fake in movies? Why does everything have to be so close to reality nowadays?? Ay Diyos ko, I can't fall asleep, and i have 9:35 class tomorrow

Dear God,
Help us to show love to those most dear to us.
Help us to show love to strangers.
Help us to show love to our enemies.
Help us to love ourselves.
Help us to know Your love.

To have love is to know You, and to show love to others is to love You.
Please open people's hearts with the power of Your love.

Amen.

"Love is so easy to feel, but the hardest thing to say"

Goal for today: Let a friend know that you love them.

Did I mention I hate scary movies?

Charlie, Brigette's ex-boyfriend, came over for dinner last night with two dvds. One was Liberty Stand Still, which ended up being 5% action and 105% drama... none of us really liked it. To me, it was like another version of "Telephone Booth," and I could hardly sit through that one. Then we watched Final Destination 2. I could hardly sit through the first one, and the second one was more greusome to me. Seeing that opening car accident scene was to real for me at this moment. But, I have to admit, it was enjoyable. Thank God I was watching it in the tv, because I'd be sick if it were on the movie screen.

So, I went to sleep around 1:30. I woke up late, and now I don't feel like going to church. I know, I'm so bad. =( I'm not going to make any excuses, I'm just not feeling like driving and getting dressed, although I know I'd love to hear the homily. If only they could have a church service online! Then again... I couldn't see myself kneeling in my bedroom, or sending "Peace be with you" IM messages.

Just got back from a party that was busted by the cops. I wish I were having that much fun... but I was only there for five minutes, and that was spent on the toilet!! Yeah... so, that's what happened. But, Ricky was very nice to have driven me around. I ended up watching Pirates of the Caribbean before. That was a great movie. That makes most everything worth it. And, yeah I have a newfound crush on both Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. Why him?? I don't know... he was kinda creepy, in the cute way. Not making sense anymore?? perhaps i should get some sleep.

Last night was just lovely~ There was this Christian band and it had such great music. The lyrics were okay lang, but the music itslef was great. Krystle introduced me to many ppl. I hung out w/ Sheri and Krystle at her apartment. It was great! We talked until midnight about politics (she's in the college republicans. Yeah, so she was telling me why Ignite is not a great party. Funny, huh? She has so many connections, it's amazing. Anyway, I'll probably do homework tonight. =(

Fantastic News: Boring Dr. Chau canceled hiss classes for next week. Meaning, I get an extra hour of sleep for Tuesday and Thursday!

Today was just lovely. Volunteering made an unusual turn to the pleasant side when I got to sit down and watch tv for three hours. ^_^ Yes, it's volunteering. Tonight, i'll be going to Campus Crusaders with Krystle. Trying to get more spiritual, or maybe just something to do? a little bit of both. I don't know, we'll see what happens.

It was cold today-- 74 degrees. That's sweater weather!

Here are my five wants for today:
I want to finish my calculus homework
I want to make a new friend at Campus Crusades
I want my room to be clean
I want to find out what happens to Elinor and Marianne (Sense and Sensibility)

I need something to do this weekend. My roommate made a spur of the moment decision and said "Let's have a party!" Ah, I don't know... maybe I should call up layla and go to SW Rec. w/ her, that sounds like more fun.

It's not that I don't wanna party w/ my roommates, it's just that their party would be a black ppl party. My three roommates are black, and their friends are black... It's not a racist conclusion, is it? I know my thoughts are not racism-free, but at the same time I'm not Adolph Hitler or something. Anyway, the thing is, I only started getting used to a large black population in high school at Pensacola. San Antonio was all Hispanics, and I'm used to them because the Filipino culture and Hispanic culture is on the same page and all. I'm used to being the minority in a crowd of white ppl, but being a minority in a crowd of black ppl... boy, my mom would flip out if she knew!

Insofar, Adriane is getting a list of party supplies. Brigette is not sure whether to take her seriously. Johnae is with Brigette. Maybe I should do the same.

Okay, I haven't done calculus, like i said i would. again, Lavell is pissing me off. It seems like he pisses me off more than anything else. He has his habits that are foolish, and that's what is really the problem with me. I'm not saying he should be dull and boring all the time, and that's certainly not me. But, after all this time, you think he'd know me. You know, I'm still sad over my cousin's death, I'm not in any mood to hear about how I've been a bad friend and hadn't been visiting him. It's not my fault I'm an intruding busybody like he is. Only my roommates know how busy I've been and how hectic life has been. But, I should stop putting things off like I do. I need to do my resumes. I need to get together with my friends. I need to have some fun. I need sleep. I don't need calculus, nor do I need equations for tangent vectors to find direction in life. However, I need to study the stupid junk so that my GPA doesn't plummet into negative numbers. good morning