in sickness and in health

It's funny how five words can be so powerful. Another would be "til death do you part." It's so impactful when you're in love, and when you're standing in that white dress and staring at the man to whom you promise your whole self, you gotta tell yourself that being with this guy does not mean life gets any easier. Getting married only means that you have someone else who's problems to worry about until either you or he dies. Whichever comes first.

When my aunt got married in '92, she repeated those exact words as she faced a distinguished looking, 40-something gentleman of Italian descent. He is thirteen years older than she is, but what is age when you're in love? It was so romantic in every cliche. We flowergirls and bridesmaids were adorned in fuschia dresses that my grandmother had sewn by hand. She even sang in the church to him some Nat King Cole song whose title I don't remember at the moment. (And as something not pertaining to this story, the fact that I do not recall this song at the moment will drive me crazy the next couple of days.)

Fastforward 15 years. While she's at the prime of her life, his time-ravaged body is failing him, and she has to deal with it. As long as they've been married, all the time this man is suffering some sort of ailment. I would not be surprised if he had never been healthy a day in his life. In later years as I grew more socially aware, I did begin to realize that theirs may have been more of a marriage of convenience. Not to say that my aunt was a golddigger, because she was well established in her profession while she was still single. It seems more and more to me that they both married each other for what they were rather than for who they were. It's not that every match made in this fashion doesn't work out, but in this case my aunt didn't know beforehand the sort of person she was getting involved with.

To elaborate, my aunt is an old-fashioned, nurturing Filipina who wanted a financially well-to-do man, while her husband was a bachelor with an Asian fetish who had seen better days and was looking for more consistency in his homelife.

Getting back to the present, their marriage had been on the rocks for some time, while I'm supposing he has been unfaithful in all sorts of other ways excepting the physical. Being the strong Filipina woman she is, she is willing to stick by him, even though she already knows he is not emotionally committed anymore, and she is sticking to that 15-year old oath until he decides to leave her, or dies. Whichever comes first.

So, while my mother tells me all this, I wonder aloud, "why would she go through all this for a man who had said to her face that he wanted nothing more to do with the marriage?"

My mother replies: "She can't wait to be rid of him, but he won't leave when he is sick all the time and he takes care of her."

Mental followup: why does he have to do the leaving? I'd think that it would be best for her to leave him now while he is still in relatively good health. In spite of the fact that he's in the ER right now, I say "relatively" in consideration that his health is a bell curve with the peak somewhere around 35. It's all downhill from his vantage point, and with him she's got nowhere else to go.

But really, all this is bad. I'd imagine that whatever happens, their daughter will be in need of many hours in therapy.

"What is wrong with our family?!?!"

My mom likes to talk about the family gossip. I like to listen to her hypocrisies as she says what others have done wrong. The thing about my mom is that she always has to be right. When she says something that is incorrect and we correct it, she will instantly deny it seconds later and insists she said it the correct way, even when there are two other people who would verify that what she originally said was incorrect. Although it is something to which one should grow accustomed, it still invokes in me a cringe of annoyance.

So my cousin who, unprovoked, unfriended me on friendster a day after adding me as her friend, is getting divorced. I add the first part because I thought it was extremely rude of her. Anyway, she worked at a bank and started an intimate (and unprotected) relationship with her coworker. I can still remember as clear as day that conversation between my parents.

"...so now she's pregnant," my mother says with the same excitement in her voice whenever she delivers some bit of salaciousness. "And they'll have to get married now."

"Why do they have to get married?" asks my more Westernized father.

"Hon, because!" my mother replies in exasperation. For my mom, no explanation was necessary because it was so clear that the next necessary step for her niece was marriage to the father of her unborn child. And, my mother's trademark would be to tie together two completely nonrelevant items and present them as a cause-effect relationship.

"Because she couldn't pass her board exams those two times, she got depressed, and that's why she had to go to bed with that man, and that's how she got pregnant."

Ahh, it's all so clear... and I refer not to her representation of my cousin's mindset, but the stark contrast between Americans and Filipinos. My American cousin has 4 children and has not been married yet while my Filipino cousin plans a shotgun wedding while expecting. My cousin had a small wedding, and now, only a handful of months later, she's considering divorce. So much for preservation of family, but for the sake of appearances, the baby was born in wedlock.

Now, my mom hums a different tune. "I don't know why she got married! What a mistake. However, I do sympathize with her. After all, her mom put all hopes on her to get them out of financial disaster. She did not have the choice to do what she wanted in the first place, and when she did not pass the exams, her mom criticized her."

Story of my life, minus the baby and impending divorce. Then again, who knows what the future has in store?

off to the Ville

So, it's like almost 4 in the morning. I'm supposed to get up in... oh, say about 3-4 hours or so, but I'm not that tired yet, so I thought I'd post about what's going on in my head. Hopefully then I'll be able to sleep.

Anecdote called again. Yes, he's gotten so persistent, I've code-named him. I did not answer. Hopefully he doesn't call again.

I'm going to a meeting tomorrow morning with the coworkers across town. MINI-ROAD TRIP!! Free breakfast and fun times to ensue. Hopefully I wake up for that.

I'm going to visit my boyfriend this weekend, and I'll actually be able to sleep over at his place instead of staying with my cousin. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin, but my bf and I deserve a little alone time. I'm packing some essentials, like my bathing suit for the beach, a couple day dresses, and my fedora. Hopefully I don't forget anything else important.

Hopefully everything works out.

Hopefully I don't get caught.

Long Distance Lovers

5 months ago, I though the world was crashing in when I had to move back to Orlando and away from my boyfriend in Gainesville. I vividly remember when I was leaving him. We spent nearly 30 minutes in the parking lot saying our goodbyes. He ran alongside my car for two buildings before he disappeared from my field of vision.

2 months ago, I was in Gainesville for my boyfriend's commencement ceremony. The summer had gone by uneventfully. I would visit every couple weekends or so, but he was for the most part near breaking point just trying to finish his thesis. I hung in there for moral support. His low spirits may have affected me, but I maintained optimism in a happier future for him and me. We were both preoccupied with our own situations, and distance didn't seem like a bother. And, the culmination of his stay at UF-- his graduation-- was so happy and hopeful. My parents even travelled up to watch him walk across the stage. I also helped him move in to his new apartment in Jacksonville, and we couldn't have been any happier had we both been moving in. Because Jacksonville is only 2 hours away, and because of my cousin living in Jax, I'd be able to visit often.

1 month ago, he was disappointed that his job wasn't what he envisioned. In spite of it, he was happy that our relationship still felt close. By then, we had seen each other twice, with me visiting him and him visiting me. He was even so optimistic as to say, "It doesn't feel like we're even apart."

18 hours ago, I woke up to my phone. My bf left me a text message: "Hi Ganda, I feel so lonely up here. I wish that we could be together on a daily basis. I miss you so much. I love you. How I think of the times that we were together..." I quickly call him up, and he stats telling me that he doesn't know if we're on the same level when the relationship is as serious as it is. His tone is bleak and dour, and I am frightened to tears. Admittedly, I've procrastinated on my grad school app, but he takes it to heart and thinks that I'm not taking our future seriously because of my dalliance. Also my parents have become such an issue. True, a man his age shouldn't have to be sneaking around to be intimate with his own long term girlfriend, but with my parents one has to honor formalities. It's all on me. The success of this relationship is all on me, and it can't be any harder to bear right now. Realistically, we won't be able to be together until after I finish my program in '09. He's even telling me now that the two hour travel back and forth is exhausting and takes away from his work performance, and that he may one day even opt not to see as not to sacrafice his energy during the work week. So, are hope and love enough to make this long-distance relationship last?
20 minutes ago, I wished him goodnight as we got off the phone. He couldn't tell me enough that he loved me. His perspective changed drastically from this morning, after receiving input from others. For now our relationship is fine, but how long will this last? I don't know which adage to refer to: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, or out of sight, out of mind.

2-weekends in a row...

This weekend, my bf came down. "For my ganda," he says, but in reality his best friend called him and said he was going to watch the game in Orlando. It doesn't matter, because I take reunions with him any way I can take it. He even came to Orlando last weekend, but had a tiresome Saturday at the Epcot Food and Wine Festival. Rain provided a persistent obstacle this weekend and last weekend, especially when one chooses to wear open-toed shoes; however, we Floridians are resilient.
On Friday, I improvized a very cute outfit and hung out around Pointe Orlando's Adobe Gila. Great Spinach Dip, but then again, it would be extremely hard to mess up spinach dip. The most memorable event of the night involved me being scared sh**less by my bf's friend. Yeah, I don't think I'd be going to a haunted house anytime soon.
On Saturday, I spent the day around Orlando with my bf. We shopped around Florida Mall and ate at Taverna Opa. Note to self: overindulging in Greek food will render one comatose. And, then we went to a friend's place to watch the UF game. It was then that we felt such hope and happiness by halftime. We also felt heartbreak in the last 4 minutes of the game. I hadn't expected UF to win in the first place against #1 LSU, but they made me believe when we were up by ten at the start of the 4th quarter. 2 losses in a row for UF-- hasn't happened in a while. =(
Afterwards, we kinda forced ourselves to go out and head downtown. It was okay, but we were all tired and unimpressed with all the inebriates.
And to end my weekend, I spendt all afternoon watching Law and Order: CI and planning my BGC schedule for the week.

The deconstruction of a quip

"Oh no she didn't!!" is apparently on the mouths of every Filipino ever since this past episode of Desperate Housewives. This is how it went down:

Doctor: Susan, I know for a lot of women that the word menopause has negative connotations. It says here "aging, brittle bones, loss of sexual desire..."
Susan: Okay, wait. Before we go any further, can I check those diplomas, because I would just like to make sure that they're not from some med school in the Philippines.

Racist? Ignorant? Offensive? Hells naw. Being a FilAm and former med school student wannabe, it's common knowledge that med school in the States is hard to get into, and if you are not smart/lucky enough, then you go overseas. The Caribbean and the PI are the two top options for FilAms such as myself.

Edit: It's so funny that just after I published this blog, my mom barges in and is asking me to change the channel to FOX News to watch Bill O'Reilly. His headlining debate: "Desperate Housewives vs. Filipino Med Schools."

And then this morning, every other friend of mine is joining some Facebook group that demands an apology from ABC for being so insensitive.

Seriously??!

You know, maybe if Filipinos wanted their med schools to be more high calibre, then maybe they should make it harder to get into. Graduate more high calibre people that can pass board exams in developed countries, and then maybe the quip may be more offensive.

People need to get over themselves and laugh a little more. How come that "Family Guy" can make a joke about Filipino men and everyone laughs, while Desperate Housewives makes a joke about medical degrees from the PI, and it's horror?

Poetic Compilation

so&so Haiku:
He called me again.
I ignored it, but I don't
think he understands.

bf limerick (lame, i know)
My boyfriend's 2 hours away
His workweek's all work and no play
I'm going to see him
At the start of the weekend
And we'll play all Saturday.

PS. Stop Calling Me

Dear So and So,
Perhaps it's my passive agressive nature, but I thought you'd get it by now. 5 calls. At least, 5 that came from your phone. Then there have been the calls from withheld numbers and numbers I didn't recognize. Thanks to you, I screen all unknown numbers. Since when did obsessive persistence become a virtue? I danced with you for five minutes in a club, and now you think we're bffs. You, in all your sobriety, took advantage of a clearly buzzed female and got her phone number, but by no means does that mean you're automatically in. I imagine that where you live must be extremely deprived of female life, that you must cling to the hopes that I will answer my phone.
Believe me, I felt guilt the next day when you called, and I felt guilt when I ignored your call the first two times. Now, I am pissed off. Obviously, I do not want to talk to you. No, not even for your bribes of free hip-hop dance lessons and whatnot. Not even for 1 million dollars would I endure your bipolar communicative skills. Well... maybe I would, but for 1 million dollars, I would also roll around naked in pig squalor.
I've already deleted pictures of you from my camera, and the only reason I have your number still in my phone is so that I can identify your call and avoid you like Britney Spears actively avoids sanity. I've learned my lesson: no more giving out any contact information, and no more dancing with ugly strangers. No more. No more.